the labyrinth of endless ramblings

2009-10-31T01:30:00.003+08:00

AFA 24-hour Pledge Broken at 7.30 + Interview/Speech at Eatz;

Dressed up as a dead ragdoll for Halloween in school;

Tired as fuckkk;

Gay people are fascinating.

They're kinder and girler than most girls (including me) are.

They're more passionate.

They know more about make-up and the like than I do (and I do know quite a bit, mind you).

They seem to have the ten times the capacity to love as compared with any other human being.

This gay 'species' is rather fascinating. Okay that was harsh. Calling them a species. I love gay people. But just for the record, drag queen gays are just creepy okay. Especially a certain one I've seen !!

Haha Moogs'll share the sentiments I'm sure.

Pappy

2009-09-22T14:51:00.002+08:00

Talk about weird dreams!

So I slept early-ish last night (at 11pm) cos I was pooped and although I had(and still have) a lot to study, I needed some shut-eye.

So off I drift into the world of sleep and who might I meet on this restful journey through the land of slumber but Mr. Michael Jackson (RIP)! So here I am lying in bed and he approaches me on what appears to be a cloud and hands me a packet of milo. Then, he goes, "If you plan on donating your hair for a cancer cause, you can have MY hair to use as a wig". Then he gives me that cheeky little smile he gave in his "Remember The Time'' video where he grins at the guards before spinning around and turning into a pile of golden sand.

Haha.

Seems like all this IB-ness is really getting to me.

*wonders if this time next year I will be checked into some psych ward somewhere*

Mpap

2009-08-13T21:35:00.000+08:00

Happiness;

Happiness is a warm gun
Happiness is a warm gun, momma
When I hold you in my arms
And I feel my finger on your trigger
I know nobody can do me no harm

I need a fix 'cause I'm going down
Down to the bits that I left uptown
I need a fix cause I'm going down
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun
Mother Superior jump the gun

xx,
Papsy

2009-07-27T01:31:00.001+08:00

Long Day

So today I wasted the entire day pretty much. Well not wasted per say. If I look at it from the educational point of view, I totally and completely wasted time. But if I look at it from the essential-retail-therapy point of view (which I would much rather), I exceeded expectation. Mum and I shopped till we dropped at Marina Square. We went out with the initial aim of buying a nice dress for me and to ‘browse around’ and we ended up not only with a nice dress, but 3 of them from Topshop, a big extremely colourfully printed Desigual shoulder bag, a skirt, three-quarters and a top from Topshop (again), ballet flats from Benetton (don’t know why I bought anything there) and a purple cardigan from Massimo Dutti. It was like an entire day of school minus the stress and the truckload of work.
But getting home at 8pm brought me back to the harsh reality that I had 7 biology lab reports to finish, English work, History work, math portfolio and homework ANDDD poetry analysis for TOK – which is also the reason I am still awake at 1.30 in the morning!!! 4 lab reports down, English to go. After that I doubt my body will be able to take it.

Hello eyebags, angry teachers and fucking annoying class.

xx,
Papsicles

2009-07-19T01:47:00.001+08:00

How to die young, and slowly...

Birthday party's at home. Booyah!

xx

Pappy

2009-07-16T22:10:00.004+08:00

How do I tell you?

How do I tell you what you already know
How do I tell you what plagues me so

I stand here feebly with an arrow and bow
I stand here not very sure of where to go

The guilt I feel knots my heart, leaves me low
The guilt I feel I simply cannot show

Nothing but a miracle can cure me that I know
Nothing but you and your love in tow

But suddenly I seem to know where to go
A new found strength overcomes me so
I pick up and ready my arrow and bow
And shoot it at you, at you my foe.

(The funniest and most childish thing I've ever written - and true enough I wrote it years ago and posted it after finding it on a thumbdrive. I wonder why I posted it. I am possibly in a silly mood. Or I am overcome with emo-ism and the like)

2009-07-14T20:34:00.007+08:00

So much in hate with myself

I hate everything and everyone and the more I try and avoid doing things or saying things I just do them and say them and that too void of any emotion. I would commit a heinous crime like Mr. Freeman did without ever showing my remorse. Then I would mask all my emotion behind the veneer of my imagination by escaping into the realm of books. I need a Daddy Clidell who will love and understand me, even if you happen to be non-male. I hate males. All of them can burn alive. I will soon commit arson, oh yes.

Yes IOP does get to you. But so do a lot of fucking other things.

Well I'm all ready for the most miserable 18th birthday EVER!

Eddie Vedder (my one true and most faithful and lasting love) - Long Nights

Have no fear
For when I'm alone
I'll be better off than I was before

I've got this light
I'll be around to grow
Who I was before
I cannot recall

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground
Ah...

I'll take this soul that's inside me now
Like a brand new friend
I'll forever know

I've got this light
And the will to show
I will always be better than before

Long nights allow me to feel...
I'm falling...I am falling
The lights go out
Let me feel
I'm falling
I am falling safely to the ground

2009-07-09T21:41:00.002+08:00

Passion burning, heart is yearning!

I have never wanted him so badly.

I want to lure him to my room and kiss him all over the face. I have never been more direct or open in my life. AHHH Nikki has termed my condition ''withdrawal symptoms from not having him''.

I need a daily dose of you. Nearing death.

2009-07-06T20:31:00.002+08:00

Lost? Maybe so. Maybe not.

I don't know if I really should continue striving and trying. I've already lost everything worth achieving. I have nothing to look forward to.

I am, however, going to be focussed on my studies. But if these 2 months don't help then I can kiss my UK dreams goodbye. Maybe I should get prepared for the big slap-in-the-face now.

I'm sorry to everyone who I seem to have upset so greatly that all respect you all had of me previously has waned.

Everything that once was is no more and never will be but I guess I'm having problems accepting myself before everything else - *insert dramatic reaction/hand gestures here*

I cannot understand the change in me and I feel like a soul trapped in a body that tells me to do things I don't want to do and to feel things I don't want to feel. I feel more contempt for myself over and above what I could possibly feel for any other individual.

Whatever. I am not crying out for pity or for someone to hold me in their arms, because I know even my parents won't do that to me. I don't care about the advice you have to give me because I think I pretty much say the same stuff to myself and all you do is reiterate (reference to anyone and everyone who repeats what I say I should do).

What are human relationships anyway? People always end up leaving you alone. Nobody is going to love you or be there for you till the end because everyone is out to live for himself or herself and I must learn to fend for myself likewise. Love is a short-lived thing. Marriage is a farce. I immensely like how I can find such release in books and in the characters that I wish I could be or whose lives I wish I was leading instead of this one. I sound ungrateful and unappreciative but there isn't a single person who will disagree with me when I say "The grass is always greener on the other side".

So you may hate me or find me randomly 'Emo' for writing this, whoever reads this, but really, I am just declaring my acceptance of things. No decent filial Indian son is going to marry me anyway and that is another part of the whole acceptance thing that I will learn to live with. Hence I can safely say that being born a hybrid Indian (I will now quote Maya Angelou) {"is an unnecessary insult"}.

OH and TOK is a bitch

Peace,

Maya

2009-07-04T01:09:00.006+08:00

Into The Wild

Forgot to mention what an incredible movie 'Into The Wild' was, complemented with the great Eddie Vedder-filled soundtrack. I love you Christopher John McCandless, may your fierce and unique spirit live on.

Yes I can love someone like that, especially since he wasn't like any of us materialistic human beings, and because he has passed on.

So much respect for you! <3

I've got volunteer work for AIDS victims at CDC later on at 2pm. I hope I don't get swineflu or whatever, since I get sick so easily. I'm glad I'm doing something noble, for a change.

2009-07-03T23:57:00.004+08:00

An Epiphany?

I say this, with no particular emotion, but rather as a sort of declaration that....

I HAVE LOST ALL ABILITY TO LOVE.

And I mean everything, anything. I cannot say I truly love until I can truly appreciate. Until I can be fully mutual about something, I can't love it.
I don't love nature's beauty, or dogs, or my parents, or my friends.

Sure I like you/them all a great great deal but I simply do not love, neither do I crave (Or do I? Maybe I'm just becoming a slut, since I already know I'm a bitch - hahaha I know a sad fucker who'll read this and find it so amusing because I sound so pathetic saying this). And no it isn't a little burst of emotion that has driven me to write this but more of a sudden realisation after living in a densely padded box of confusion for two whole months.

And even if somehow or some way, by some 'miracle of miracles', if there is some 'love' left in me, I certainly never will love like I used to ever again.

I have termed my condition 'Denial Depression' - which I have possibly been suffering from for half a year now. Hahaha.

On another random note, I have a fuckload of work to finish and no creative juices are flowing through my rusty brain.

Oh how I wish
Yuletide'll come
with winter in tow
to sweep me up
and take me away
to the faraway lands of Tokyo
or to where the gypsies
move to and fro
in their beat-up hippie
trailerparks
or to the land of the english,
to 'Marks and Sparks'
where i'll shop till i drop
and i'll never be back
cuz i fear this feeling'll
never stop.

2009-07-01T12:11:00.002+08:00

Love

I know what it is and I've felt it and have loved as strongly as the feeling gets. I am afraid though, that I won't be able to love like that ever again.

But nonetheless, I shall continue to cherish.

As the days pass,
dismal and gray as they are,
that one thing I try avoiding
addles my brain no end,
my byzantine mind and black heart
have made me bring this upon myself,
that I DO know,
But somehow though all else
is void of meaning and although I am 'free' of feeling,
With no regret but a little grief I can say,
I still see you in everything that's me

2009-06-30T11:51:00.002+08:00

Blame it on the alcohol?

Went out with the guys to Liquid Kitchen and I once again am broke. Then I needed money for cabfare home and I took another $20 so now I am deeply in debt with everyone at home. Didi (maid) smelt the alcohol on my breath and my clothes which was brilliant because she got angry at me first thing in the morning. And the fact that mum and dad didn't say bye made me think they knew and were pissed but mum wasn't at all when I phoned her. She probably knew that after hosting a houseparty consisting mainly of alcohol consumption the whole night, that I drink. Anyway, my dad said no more parties at home for another year, which is all right because I plan on having my 18th outside somewhere anyway Lol.
I really need to finish off my work which I will get started on NOW. Dance class at 2... Need to drag my lazy ass to orchard. And since Maggie and like 2 others read this blog, Hi Mag, Sorry for not talking much these 2 days. The breakup has left me dismal in a way that hasn't quite penetrated my heart yet, surprisingly (whatever's left of it anyway).

2009-05-18T21:45:00.001+08:00

I need to be shot in the eye

2009-05-17T23:13:00.002+08:00

"You REALLY need to focus MAYA!" "Fuck off brain I want to partay"

This total lack of focus and lack of urgency is getting to fucking piss me off now.

BAHAKSHUHEFHSHIBALALAHAHAHAU2HDGA.

And the funniest part is, it's me I am this pissed off at. Haha. Ha. I am slowly going YINSANE.

I can literally concentrate for 10 minutes at a time and take like 50 minute breaks. THIS HAS GOT TO STOP.

I need to do some yoga or something. My neck hurts, my head hurts, my body is screaming at me about the lack of exercise and excess intake of carbs this past week. I promise I will fix that in 2 weeks. After the celebrating is over. I PROMISE this time. I NEED to.

TYM 2 HIT DA BKSSSS.

M Pap

2009-05-15T22:33:00.003+08:00

A fine line

One moment, everything seemed convoluted and at a standstill and no conclusions could be reached and the next moment, it was just a smack-in-the-face realisation that it was never anything real at all.

I'm glad I've come to my senses (sort of).

2009-05-12T23:52:00.003+08:00

Single and not ready to mingle

(this was a post I meant to post in the afternoon but it got saved to my drafts instead. It was originally posted at 6pm)

So it turns out trying to study has been harder for me than it looked. I have literally ONE week left till my finals and I am fucking around.

I wanna hold you so tight.

I need to study chemistry because I am failing that otherwise. Tomorrow is the last day I am going to school till next wed, which is my first paper - history. Glah. I need to burn my laptop it is the mother of all distractions. (What I am doing right now is the result of a distraction resulting from using aforementioned laptop). I also need to stop resting it on my knee because it is rather warm and my knee gets this nasty red patch after I leave it on for some time.
I need to go finish off this chapter and tuck myself in and think things over.

I want you to always love me.

I need to get over stuff. I need to get over him. I will but it's just that I need time. And I need to stop being such a weakling. It's you who's been strong throughout this entire relationship. And even if it's over/not over/is gonna restart some day, I'll always admire the person you are and you'll always be my hero. (And I know you don't/won't read my blog but it's the only way I can imagine I am still in contact with you) I'm glad it was on good terms but I can't stand missing you so effing much.

I'll get over it. I'll get over everything. Eventually.

And the funniest part is, I still want you all to myself.

2009-05-11T09:57:00.001+08:00

Brand New Key

I've been obsessed with this song for the past week. I heard it long ago too but it's so cute and I love country voices like hers.

Lyrics | Melanie - Brand New Key lyrics

2009-05-08T20:41:00.001+08:00

"Almost Golden" - Courtney Love

Oh all the things
I'll never do to you
Oh honey do all the things
I'll never do to you

Sorry 'bout the fire
Sorry 'bout the torch
Sorry i had to have my revenge
Send it in a note
Said you cannot go
Say you were sick, you cant get dressed
Come on be on fire
Come on be a liar
My dress is the prettiest
Cover me in burns
Everyone take a turn
I'm already humiliated

My oh my baby you do reflect the sun
My oh my baby you were almost golden
My oh my oh how you do reflect the sun
My oh my baby you were almost golden

Sorry 'bout the fire
Sorry 'bout the torch
Sorry i had to have my revenge
Send it in a note
Say you cannot come
Say you are still tied to the bed

When's he gonna come
When's he gonna spring
When's he gonna crawl out in public
When's he gonna come
screaming bombs away
When's he gonna kill me in this room

My oh my he's in his gloriousness
Watch him tear me down with such a vengeance
Hold on to me
Yeah baby hold hold on tight
Yeah well just see which one of us gets out alive

Oh honey do all the things I'd never do to you
Cover me in fire
Cover me in lies
Thats' just your entertainment
Sorry i'm upset
Walked a mile behind
I was stuck and you still in a daze

2009-04-30T13:38:00.002+08:00

Crumbled Foundation

I'm going to the doctor to check out my fever and flu but I don't really care what happens. I don't care if I have swine fever or whatever other fever there is that hasn't been discovered yet.

I don't really care about life anyway. I'm not being emo or anything. Everything is just too complicated and everyone is just too competitive. I'd have been perfect living as a young blonde maiden in the 18th century on some farm in England. And I am always falling sick. And nobody cares. And I don't care.

And my exams are in less than 20 days. And if I die before that, I don't care.

Because I never really had a foundation to begin with but I'm pretty sure that now it's completely gone.

2009-04-13T22:12:00.004+08:00

I don't know what to post

So I tried Twittering to see what the big fuss was all about...

And I reached the conclusion that...

NOBODY (and I mean NOBODY) needs to know when I shit/piss/pee/eat/fart/burp/sleep or be my online stalker.

But can't help admitting it is strangely and for no apparent reason, a little addictive. But it'll pass (this "FAD")

Gotta start making those 60 momos for International Understanding Day for them River Valley-ans.

Other than that, won 1 outta 4 debates, been super sleepy, was made dizzy by hot yoga for the first time yesterday, joined dance, needs to study more, needs to practice my poor rotting violin, needs a ligature in order to resume playing my tenor, missed the final YWB challenge on account of nobody could make it and nobody was prepared (and will evidently NOT be getting any $1000), found that the ''telemarketing'' thing we were cunningly drawn into by certain school admin was rubbish and that we aren't getting paid after all (I clearly specified CASH over CAS), is glad Addy came over to brighten up the day (but did not enjoy the dog-like slobbering), and OMG realises that this sounds like a freaking Twitter update!

xx,
Mpap

2009-03-31T20:34:00.003+08:00

Maya's Bean Burritos (serves 2 - 3)

Hello everyone! (Everyone who reads this blog, anyway).

SOO after coming back from my Hot Yoga class at Bikram's, I was pretty hungry and before I left for school this morning, I gave my maid a recipe I came up with about a month ago and told her to make it for me for dinner when I got back.
So, since it's my first ever original recipe (apart from my pistachio and raisin addition to the pre-existing 'Cran-Nut Blondies', which I believe made it way more delish) and it is my first original recipe that is NOT a baked goodie (since I believe my forte lies in baking).
So I've decided to share this little recipe with you. It might not sound that original but I'm pretty sure it's never been made this tasty or kickass before (: What makes it even better is that it is EASY to prepare and you can get all the ingredients (or similar ones) at ANY supermarket.
So here goes!

Ingredients:
- 1 can of 'Sloppy Joe' (The tomato puree stuff that goes with juicy burgers, that I don't eat anymore)
- 1 can of 'Rosarita Vegetarian Refried Beans'
- 'Doritos TM Burrito Tortilla bread' (comes in fives, the one I bought, anyway)
- 1 block (the actual size is totally up to you) of Mozarella and 1 block of Cheddar Cheese/pre-shredded Mozarella and Cheddar Cheese in a packet
- 2 Onions
- 2 Capsicums (optional)
- Garlic (optional - recommended for adding to flavour)
- Any other vegetables you like (tomatoes etc. - although not very necessary as Sloppy Joe is full of it)

Method:
1) Slice the onions, do NOT dice them (the ring shape should be formed and should be relatively big. Half the size of onion rings)
2) Dice capsicums
3) Dice garlic
4) Slice/Dice all and any other veggies you have decided to add
5) Using about 2 - 3 tablespoons of vegetable oil, fry Onions and Garlic (ONLY) for about 2 - 3 minutes till golden-brownish colour appears
6) Remove and strain
7) Mix fried onions and garlic with Sloppy Joe and Refried Beans
8) Pour and spread mixture evenly over each tortilla
9) Add additional vegetables (if any) and both grated cheeses over everything, then fold tortilla wrap in half
10) Finally, bake the tortillas (preferably 2 by 2) in an oven/microwave oven until the cheese melts and becomes BROWN (around 10 mins on High - Heat)

VOILA!

Bon Apetit!

xx,
Mpap

2009-03-04T21:00:00.002+08:00

Strange Addiction with Kate Nash & The Trachtenburg Family Slideshow Players

I love Kate's voice and songs. I recorded a clip of me singing 'Merry Happy' and I don't intend on showing it to anyone boh (but) yeah (:

Oh and you can all youtube the Trachtenburg's. Love Rachel =) She must be the coolest teenager on the planet.

Oh and our school cancelled our trip to Khao Lak AND this adds on to my hate for it. Hooray!

And I have less than a day to do an entire TOK essay thanks to mega-procrastination once again! And I probably failed chem and I am studying Mao and I need good grades and I am just not happy. Whotevah

xx
Mpap

2009-03-02T21:20:00.002+08:00

HeadBangover

HEADBANGING HEADSORE

HEADBANGING = A PAIN IN THE NECK.

CALL IT WHAT YOU WILL. IT'S HORRID.

'NUFF SAID.

The sad part is, it wasn't even great enough that I should have such been headbanging so much. Haha not saying it was bad cos Aditya's band rawks but it was just not some hella rawking muhfucking REAL hardcore metal gig y'know (haha one day Singapore, one day (maybe)). I guess I screwed up my neck for Dragonforce then :( poo. I don't mind headbanging like this again for it but then I'll just have to go for Rachael Y's concert 4 days later with a neckbrace :S.

BLESS MEENA FOR SWIVELLING MY HEAD IN SO MANY DIRECTIONS AND HELPING IT CRACK!! I CAN ACTUALLY BEND IT DOWN NOW HAHA HA!

AREN'T I AWESOME? OH YOU KNOW IT.

Ooh and I totally plan on dragging Addy out on a day of thrift shopping (don't care how much he'll hate it) with Maggles and me all over S fucking Pore! Yes Maggles! My awesome plan! To add on to my pre-existing Awesomeness!!

you know you love me! (hehehehehe)
xoxo
Mpap

2009-02-28T11:54:00.004+08:00

My Iron Lung Lyrics, performed by Radiohead in the album The Bends

Faith, you're driving me away
You do it everyday
You don't mean it
But it hurts like hell

My brain says I'm recieving pain
A lack of oxygen
From my life support
My iron lung

We're too young to fall asleep
Too cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell?

We scratch our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon
The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

Suck, suck your teenage thumb
Toilet trained and dumb
When the power runs out
We'll just hum

This, this is our new song
Just like the last one
A total waste of time
My iron lung

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon
The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

And if you're frightened
You can be frightened
You can be, it's OK
And if you're frightened
You can be frightened
You can be, it's OK

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

You do it everyday
You don't mean it
But it hurts like hell

My brain says I'm recieving pain
A lack of oxygen
From my life support
My iron lung

We're too young to fall asleep
To cynical to speak
We are losing it
Can't you tell?

We scratch our eternal itch
A twentieth century bitch
And we are grateful for
Our iron lung

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon
The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

Suck, suck your teenage thumb
Toilet trained and dumb
When the power runs out
We'll just hum

This, this is our new song
Just like the last one
A total waste of time
My iron lung

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon
The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

And if you're frightened
You can be frightened
You can be, it's OK
And if you're frightened
You can be frightened
You can be, it's OK

The head shrinkers
They want everything
My uncle Bill
My Belisha beacon

2009-02-28T11:43:00.002+08:00

Pescatarian

Since I don't much like eggs and because my mother forces me to eat fish to make up for the lack of meat, I do now and then. I have fish twice a week and I feel better about it because I learnt that it is not scientifically proven if fish feel pain or not. I know that's now a proper justification but I will eventually make the full transition to vegetarianism soon. But I'm a teen and I need Omega-3 Fatty Acids to make up for the lack of iron in my diet. But I am technically a vegetarian because I only have fish once or twice a week in one dish. And the rest is pure veg.
Reunion with GMSS-ians at Seoul Garden in Bugis today. Probably gonna be awkward. I'm not sure if I'm going yet. What a relief that my monthlies are over! Oh I need to exercise. Bleh

xx
Mpap

2009-02-23T13:02:00.002+08:00

Slumdog Millionaire

The 81st Annual Academy Awards just ended and I am bursting with pride and happiness. Slumdog Millionaire won BEST PICTURE along with 8 other awards including Best Sound-Mixing, Best Original Score (A R Rahman), Best Editing, Best Directing and Best Original Song (The rest I forget). I was screaming and jumping happily. This is the year of India. I'm so glad India finally gets to show the world what they are.

WOOHOOOOO!!

And those 2 slum kids who acted as Jamal and Salim, you guys deserve a golden globe. FANTASTIC MOVIE!
Very well deserved indeed!

And I'm so happy for Kate Winslet and Sean Penn too!

xx,
Mpap

2009-02-22T18:39:00.002+08:00

Agamemnon

So Aditya, Thilanga, Anand, Sofia, Sagar and I went for the 'Youth Without Borders' Audition today. The first prize is S$8000 cash! Our time was initially set at 12noon but many people couldn't make it then and we had to come up with something that'd make us worth choosing. We decided on a skit about AIDS as our cause for the competition is to help 'Action For AIDS', a non-for-profit AIDS organisation in Singapore, basically to spread awareness and by winning, hopefully raise funds for them. We came up with the skit in 20 minutes over lunch at pastamania. I was the narrator and everything was pretty much impromptu. We were first interviewed (mind you, the whole thing was filmed) and we spoke well, then we were told to present our skit and we did and it turned out MUCH better than I'd expected it to. We then took a picture which was pretty funny. We called it the 'Coming-out-of-Aditya' pose cos he was standing in front looking all big and mean and we were sticking out behind him in different directions :P. I know, lame, but the picture turned out real nice. Anyway, I'm pretty sure we got picked. I'm being optimistic. The whole idea of physical challenges is really freaking me out though. I really hope they won't be too tough xP But that is just be being optimistic once again!
I wanna thank Sofia (I know you won't read this but still), Sagar and Thilanga for coming down so last-minute! xxxoxoxoxooo. And poo poo to my lazy close friends who ran away once they heard there were 'physical challenges' (as if I am physical at all).

Haha. Oh. And we're called Agamemnon.

After that, I played golf with dad again. It was so much more humid than yesterday but I enjoyed it. I got good exercise this weekend (which was desperately needed).

Exams on wed. Panic mode.
Time to study.

xx
Mpap

2009-02-15T21:40:00.002+08:00

Bleargh

So today was probably the worst day of my life.
One of the worst days, anyway.

First, I didn't get Chair, which I expected because of my lack of experience and because I haven't been for 10 mun's or something. And my family gives me shit.

THEN, THEN, THE WORST THING OF ALL,
MY EXPENSIVE IPOD TOUCH SOMEHOW UNCLIPS ITSELF FROM MY SHORTS, BOUNCES (BECAUSE OF THE RUBBER COVER) AND DROPS RIGHT INTO THE MUDDY MURKY CANAL. I STUPIDLY TRY AND GO RETRIEVE IT AND SLIP AND CUT MYSELF AND NEARLY DIE IN ALL THE ICKY SHIT. AND THEN THE MAN AND HIS FAMILY WATCHING TALKED SOME SENSE INTO ME BY TELLING ME IT WASN'T WORTH IT BECAUSE IT WAS GONE ANYWAY

just like my soul. whoooo.

mp4p

2009-02-13T21:17:00.004+08:00

Turns out, I'm fine

So.. I have officially been a vegetarian for 6 days now. And I must say, I am very much impressed with my total focus and determination and my apparent total lack of any urge to eat meat. Everytime I see a piece of meat set at the dinner table (roast chicken or mutton pieces etc.) I just think of the animal alive and about the entire process that goes into the cooking of that just for 1 meal and just to fatten me more than I need, considering that I am already quite evidently, plump. I've been stressing over things. Lots of things. But after today I am much less stressed. Even the inevitable fact of me having to make a presentation on 'Intellectual Property Rights in Pharmaceuticals'' (despite my evident lack of the same - intellect) at 9am all the way at Ang Mo Kio at Lycee Francaise (forgive the lack of bothering to put in appropriate accents) and possibly face elimination (God Forbid/Touchwood) after all the hard work with around 8 others, seems to be making me less worked up than it was all week and before I received some fab news today. I discovered I am not **** (Haha this is for me to know and for nobody, save Maggie and Lucy to find out). It is a pity how conspicuous one has to be on his or her own ''diary''. The world these days. Nothing is private anymore, at least not our connotation of it. What I mean is that everything that should by right be private isn't. I'm sure you know what I mean when I say that.

Anyhow, my rhinitis is being a bitch again and my nasal passages are stuffy, if not totally blocked and this is causing me to have no choice but to breathe awkwardly through my mouth, which is making me nervous about making the speech tomorrow. I don't wanna start wheezing and pass out before my 10 minutes is up. After that is fine, I really don't mind.

Well once this MUN Chair Training nightmare is over, I can once again wake up to the harsh reality that I am in IB and that I have a history essay, several CAS Journal sheets to type up, calculus homework, studying and a random Environment-Awareness activity to attend at the Botanical Gardens with CJ students on sunday.

Oh the life of a 17.5-y-o suffering in mean Pre-U studies!

As if University is going to be any less stressful Maya. (This is where I begin talking to myself).

Anyway my class is supposed to go to Phuket from the 13th to the 16th of March for CAS activity organised by The Rotary Club SG and it turns out it is a rough-and-tough thing devoid of comfy hotel beds and proper flushing toilets. And now that I am veg I probably have to eat ready-made tomato soup everyday to make sure I don't get food-poisoning. The annoying part is that there seems to be NO time to shop allocated to us (not that there is much we can buy in Phuket which will be of any use back in the big city we live in). We are doing random village sight-seeing and meeting Tsunami victims after full-day community service teaching at a school. Wow. Seriously. We have got to have the most pathetic CAS coordinator. She is nice and all but seriously is a shitty planner. I am starting to doubt the Rotary Club planned this after all. And WHAT IS WITH opening the trip to the 8th and 9th graders? They are just going to annoy us. And this will prevent everyone in my class from being allowed to go as the limit is 30 people. WOW. SERIOUSLY. AND WE ARE THE ONES IN IB AND THE ONES WHO ARE APPARENTLY SUPPOSED TO HAVE 1 COMPULSORY TRIP OVERSEAS PER YEAR AND WE ARE THE ONES WHO NEED TO CLAIM CAS NOT THEM LITTLE 8TH/9TH GRADE IGCSE-LEARNING SHITS WHO DON'T NEED TO ENSURE THAT THEY GET INTO A GOOD UNIVERSITY FOR THE RIGHT COURSE JUST YET. Okay fine, some 9th Grade girls are nice but STILL. It is supposed to be OUR trip.

Okay I am getting far too side-tracked. I have to finish my presentation and speech!!!

God Bless Me!

xx,

M Pap

2009-02-07T22:40:00.004+08:00

Vegetarianism

So, as weird and unbelievable as this may sound coming from me, I have decided to GO GREEN!
....
For the simple undeniable reasons that are the following (and certainly not limited to) - sorry for the MUN-wannabe-ness:

MY A-Z REASONS FOR WANTING TO TURN VEGETARIAN!

BECAUSE...

a) I LOVE animals (alive)
b) Vegetarianism helps you cut down on all the fats you've been trying so hard to get rid of but simply can't seem to, due to your wearing-down, overwhelming IB or A Level Curricula
c) Like Paul McCartney said, "Meat only tastes good after it's been garnished and cooked and a hundred different things are done to it. Similarly a table could taste good if prepared appropriately, whereas a vegetarian diet tastes good on its own". - Well it was something along these lines, I read it somewhere, but you get the basic message!
d) There is no legitimate justification to eating meat. Quote PETA, "No animal deserves to die to satisfy our taste buds."
e) It is healthier (A healthier body = A healthier mind)
f) It is low in cholesterol
g) It prevents cardiovascular-disease (And since I was born with a relatively weak heart and have frequent breathing issues, all the more reason)
h) Your breath smells 100 times better and your teeth are less eroded (biting into tough meat etc)
i) Your skin is less pimply and oily
j) There is no lack of protein or iron or anything in a vegetarian diet as opposed to a non-vegetarian one, contrary to popular belief
k) It is really easy to be Veg as an Indian, but Indian vegetarianism has its flaws as it is somewhat fattening but it does however, help put you on the right path (cause it's hell tasty)
l) Although I agree that meat tastes good, mostly great, bear in mind that THERE ARE ALWAYS ALTERNATIVES. Mock meat, for example, though not necessarily healthy, tastes as good as actual meat and is 100 times healthier (for example, Mock Duckmeat at Ling Zhi Restaurant - A DEFINITE MUST-TRY DISH)
m) Although a relatively tiny/small contribution, you essentially aid in the steps to eradicating animal cruelty and everything has a beginning (Like they say, baby steps)
n) Meat costs a LOT more than vegetables and considering the current economic crises, this may be an efficient cost-cutting method starter!
o) Red meats, when consumed a lot, can block arteries, are hard to digest and are a very very bad combination with alcohol
p) Vegetarian foods, although we don't realise it, are very easy to find in Singapore, except maybe in MaccyD's or KFC or Burger King, but that's part of why I wanna become veg, to avoid all that junk (notice how I have not discluded pizza joints (;)
q) Grain that is used to fatten cows, pigs and chickens up, just to be slaughtered for our consumption, could be put to better use, i.e; feeding all the starving kids in developing nations
r) It is said that as human beings evolve, the less killing there is. We don't support killing of human beings, why should we support killing of animals? That too when animals are also essentially living beings who have pretty much the same bodily processes as us and MOST OF ALL FEEL PAIN. This is also then, a question of morals.
s) I would not eat a dog, for the simple reason that I own 2 of my own and that they are possibly as close as family to me and similarly, if I say, owned a cow, I would not eat beef bearing the same in mind. As long as I would not voluntarily slaughter an animal, I am not in a position to consume it. So there is essentially, no actual justification for me eating meat.
t) Vegetarians have better sex lives (LMAO) - this will help later on in life I am sure
u) Vegetarians are sexier (okay this is debatable but I put it in for comic relief)
v) We are saving the world and the environment!
w) There are increasingly several disgusting, often fatal, food-borne diseases that are coming about, especially in this modern processed world we live in
x) There are MUCH LESS cancer risks with a vegetarian diet and women are always more prone to it so we have to be all the more wary
y) A vegetarian diet is nutritionally adequate and has extreme health benefits
z) The aforementioned for turning veg are unequivocal and ultimately, undeniable

So, people, this is a HUGE step for me and despite my initial confidence and approach to this matter, I will most definitely need encouragement and support (Yes, from my predominantly non-veg friends) but I am pretty much determined and I hope nobody will deter me from this ultimate pure-veg goal I now have set in mind. You may all think this is some weird phase of mine but I can assure you I am pretty much committed but please don't discourage me.

OH and I had the first of two MUN Chair-Training sessions today at Lycee Francaise. It was good and everything but debate wasn't too good and everyone was pretty much unprepared and stuff so hopefully next week'll be better and hopefully my presentation on Intellectual Property Rights in Pharmaceuticals won't be a flop. I really do wanna chair in SIMUN. Went for lunch with Elizabeth, Chris, Priyanka and Vishwas and we all got along well which was nice because I'd never met Priyanka or Vishwas before this. Yeah.

Tis all for now.

Tata!

xx,
M Pap

2009-01-19T23:19:00.003+08:00

I am an insignificant dot fading into nothingness.

So blot me out just like you're doing now, while you still can.

Nothing I ever do seems to be enough to stop people from being cold or getting on nerves and basically altogether trying so hard to mess up my life. There is really no need. I am already messed up enough.

So to all the good times, I urge everyone, save me, to take a giant, stinky crap on all of it because I seem to be the only fucktard cheesy enough to reminisce.

And a big thanks for all the support I seem to give but never receive. I'm as significant as a receeding hairline, maybe even less so. I am not going to help anyone who can't help me. If there is some sort of problem with me, I'd like it if everything wasn't done to me in such a roundabout way and that I could be briefed first. This has truly been a week of ups and downs. And I seem to be stuck on the downs.

-Maya-

2009-01-12T14:04:00.002+08:00

Weekend Holiday

So I'm back from the little 3-night, 4-day weekend trip with the family to Johor and Desaru. We ended up not going to Bali in the end cos the plan was too rushed. We were all told in the morning by my father that the flight to bali was at 5pm so we decided not to rush and go at our own convenience just across the border. I did a shitload of shopping. Bought around RM 600 worth of clothes. That's aroung $300 Sing Dollars, I suppose, don't know but it's quite a bit considering the length of our vacation. We stayed at the Mutiara Hotel, which we always do in JB and shopped mainly at Holiday Plaza, not to mention some other random places around the area. Then yesterday we drove down to Desaru and spent the day at the beach. The waves were really choppy and sand got into every bit of my tankini and it was mighty uncomfortable. In addition to getting tossed about wildly by the waves and being pulled back beyond control by the undercurrent, I also cut my foot at several places on some nasty big rocks slyly located at the most random places. But, nevertheless, I had a great time. Sid and I also built a tunnel with a channel of water through it, but it was tough cos it kept collapsing and in the end i jumped right into it and sorta ruined it all over again. Anyway, it was fun and a good change from the mundanity of school-life and being-at-home-all-day days. I got some pc games and 360 games and some shoes. I actually bought a pair of those GLADIATOR SHOES (I know cringe here) and though I was totally against them till the time I tried them on, I cannot help but say that they looked good on my feet and that they are mighty comfortable. And plus they really went with the mini dress I bought and so many of my other clothes. *sigh* I am another go-with-the-flow weakling, you must be thinking. But i must remind you that my sense of fashion is very different from the norm and this is probably one of my first big fashion mistakes (if it really is one). Anyway, I'm happy. So school's started for all the local-schoolians again and now I don't have to be the only one annoyed about school reopening and everything. But now I'm used to it all over again so I don't have much to complain about, surprising eh? EXCEPT OH CRAP! I HAVE A CHEM LAB REPORT DUE TOMORROW (TECHNICALLY IT WAS DUE LAST WEEK BUT I DELAYED). CRAP CRAP CRAP.

It's these kind of terrible reminders you get once you're back from somewhere telling you..

YOUR HOLIDAY IS OVER.

xx,
Maya

2009-01-06T20:57:00.002+08:00

School

So school for me re-opened on the 5th, sucky because every other international + local schools' open on the 12th, that's one WHOLE WEEK after us. Considering we started IB Year 1 a month-and-a-half before UWC and OFS did, shouldn't we get a longer vacation? I mean, what's the rush, right? Heh. I'm one to say that. So anyway today after tiring school, we had technically NO frees, I decided to head on down to SRC to gym for at least an hour then swim to cool off, which I did. Addy came for the short swim I managed to have before my parents came around 7 on their way out of work, to get me. Then we went to start Uncle Nirad's car and finding his maid took 200 years. Tiring years, in fact (I ran up and down to the 10th floor in Katong Park Towers 3 times, practically non-stop). Tomorrow's another long day. Guess why? Mmmhmm, zero frees. Plus, our nutty chem teacher thinks it's fun to keep us waiting for over a month to get our failed chem papers back. I know I probably got a 3 so just fucken hurry up and give it! I have Bio labs tomorrow so that means I will have 2 pending lab reports to do over the weekend (not like I am going to do them after tomorrow, knowing me).. Okay I shan't rant about lab reports before I sound like a right wannabe nerd, I am merely stating. I guess I'm just going on and on cos I had such a good December break that I don't wanna go back to the usual school-routine. I'm glad the new year has seemingly inspired me to make the most of my SRC Membership card. I'm even trying to get into the Women's Rugby for SCC, not that I will get in or anything, it is just a futile attempt, but one nonetheless. I've joined Hatha Yoga every Sunday. And Bollywood dance, as hilarious as that may sound. I'm just determined to exercise for at least an hour everyday, that way I can definitely lose all the excess flab I so obviously have. Anyway, I need to work mega mega hard. I need to start studying for the UKCAT and the BMAT - I don't fucking understand why Imperial and King's have to have 2 different exams just so I can qualify when they're both equally frustrating and tough to do. Anyway, I need to study way more now. I got pretty mediocre marks last term and I need to start getting no less than a 5 for my HL's and 6's and 7's for my SL's. At least then I can get a predicted of at least 36, otherwise I'm buggered. IBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIEIBDIE!!!!!

IBDIE!

IB DIE!

I B D I E!

HL ENGLISH DIE. HL BIOLOGY DIE. HL CHEMISTRY DIE DIE DIE.
SL FRENCH DIE. SL HISTORY DIE. SL MATH DIE DIE DIE.

I feel much better already (:

xx
M Pap

2009-01-02T11:53:00.004+08:00

Happeh New Year!

SO... This new year's day was just about the best, ever, because I spent the whole night with Addy (Haha, sorry if I am offending anyone, I still love you Maggie, Malhu, Anna, Rans, etc). Anyway, we went to Surya's party next door and although it was too Indiany for the likes of us, it was pretty funny to watch everyone get piss drunk with all the free booze going around and all the random slamming and locking of doors (always a girl and a guy together, no duh) and fat people falling down the stairs. Addy and I escaped to the water beds most of the time so it was okay, but I guess we weren't the only ones who wanted to try them out cos of the perpetual interruptions. haha. Then he came over and we spent the night talking, etc. etc. (xP). Basically, new year's eve + new year's day were GREAT =) After such a good year together (2 years 10 months), we managed to wrap up 2008 in the best way possible, in each other's arms. (eugh I know I sound so lovesick haha)

I hope everyone's New year's was as good. And I certainly hope the rest of the year is too!

xx

Maya

2008-12-22T21:05:00.001+08:00

Fur-Free

Dress up the Trollsen Twins at peta2.com!

Dress up the Trollsen Twins at peta2.com!

Dress up the Trollsen Twins at peta2.com!

2008-12-19T01:26:00.007+08:00

Evan Rachel Wood

I think Evan Rachel Wood is really quite pretty. Sometimes it's very pretty, sometimes a subtle pretty. She has a very nice face on the whole, but it looks weird at times. Well, I think she's a really GREAT actress. She's just 21 and she's had very memorable roles in very memorable films. 'Across The Universe' in my opinion, was her best.
I still don't get why she was with Marilyn Manson though. Luckily they broke up. Heh. His music's pretty good though, unfortunately. But I can't imagine why she'd date him. Also, after she started going out with him, she became this weirdo - trying too hard to dress up like that odd Dita Von Teese. I honestly wouldn't wanna dress up as my boyfriend's ex-girlfriend just so he can be reminded of her constantly and just feel like a mere replacement. I mean, Evan went from blonde sweet-looking pale girl to wannabe-Dita-goth-girl, pale retained.
Anyway, I was just randomly looking at pictures of her and decided she'd prettify my blog up a bit. I wish I was as skinny as she was and half as pretty. I also wish girls didn't have that whole huge jealousy thing, I hate being jealous. I need to lose weight though, everyone seems to think so too, ha. Glah. Okay enough about me, let's look at more of her shall we?

xx

Maya

2008-12-17T23:17:00.001+08:00

Please check lyrics blog!

New potential song!

http://mayaslyrics.blogspot.com

xx

Maya

2008-12-17T18:55:00.003+08:00

The 'No-Lifer'

Heh. Sounds like a pretty good title for a book doesn't it? Apart from helping mum out at the office now and then and baking christmas goodies, I've been pretty much rotting. Everyone seems to be away or about to go away or out clubbing and taking pictures so everyone can see they're ''cool''. Sure, drinking's fine, but I don't think it's cool to throw away 200 bucks in one night, especially when you're just 17. You have your whole life to fuck up your brains and heart. I've seen my father drink enough to know it's not a pretty thing. Smoking is even worse. I think it's particularly disgusting for a girl to smoke. Girls are supposed to smell good and possibly give birth one day. Smoking is something that turns me off, badly. I know i'm no saint, but, I know my limits. I'd like to be my age till it comes a time when I'm 30 and start wishing I was 17 again. I just re-wrote this education story 3 times, spent all morning trying to recover from a bad flu, and taking down 'healthy' recipes to try and get a better eating pattern down in an attempt to shed the extra inches. My freedom is very limited now. My aunt is a pain in the ass. She won't leave the house, not even for a second and it is somehow my duty to stay home with her and keep her ''company'' when all she does is piss me off.

Oh it appears it's time to go.

Let's hope that Addy and baking make my holiday a little better. I'll miss you Maggie. Come back soon.

Oh, Anna's back tomorrow. It was a sudden decision. Hope she's okay. Didn't sound good on the phone.

xx

Maya

2008-12-12T14:59:00.002+08:00

Internet Surfing

So I've been entertaining myself a lot on the internet. I've been shopping online, joining random forums, you-tubing, watching shows, reading and blog-reading. I'm choosing which latest 'Nancy Drew' Game to buy now and watching episodes of 'Inanimate Alice' - weird but interesting - let the copy-pasted synopsis inform you more - 'Inanimate Alice' tells the story of Alice, a young girl growing up in the first half of the 21st century, and her imaginary digital friend, Brad.

Over ten episodes, each a self contained story, we see Alice grow from an eight year old living with her parents in a remote region of Northern China to a talented mid-twenties animator and designer with the biggest games company in the world. -

So there. For you curious souls, this is the link: http://www.inanimatealice.com/

Also, I was reading the latest 'CosmoGirl' and saw this little snippet showing this Vegan Photo-Blogger and her novel delectable-looking recipes. Her pastries for Christmas are to die for. Go take a look! http://bittersweetblog.wordpress.com/

ALSO,

The past two days have been relatively eventful, apart from the fact that my aunt has been eating my head off (AND SHE'S ONLY BEEN IN TOWN FOR 5 DAYS, BIOR [BELIEVE IT OR NOT]). WELL, day before yesterday, I decided to be good and stayed home with her. We rented a DVD, a classic musical, called 'Seven Brides For Seven Brothers', which was, I must say, thoroughly enjoyable. I'm a sucker for old musicals. Despite how modern I might be, it's always fun to escape into a carefree, happy, easy-going world, or anything else that's a huge contrast to the world we live in now. Yesterday I went for the 'India Se' organised talk by actress and director, 'Nandita Das', who was in Singapore for 'The Asian 1st Film Festival' or something along those lines. She won best actress, best screenplay and best director. Pretty impressive. She spoke intelligently and I liked how she was forward thinking and modern yet so simple. I loved how she was dressed and her strong, questioning but delicate, non-violent outlook on everything. She is pretty much someone I'd love to be, but it's just not possible, what with all the feisty-ness I seem to have inherited. Haha. Blame it on the genes! =] Okay part of it may be because I'm a Leo, but whatever. Heh.
Anyhow, after that I met Addy for a bit and then went home and ate and changed and slacked. Then Addy called up saying to come for Akanksha's birthday party at Timbre, so after much persuasion, I convinced my mum to let me go (She wasn't happy at the fact that I was invited so last-minute and that my aunt was here and that I apparently hadn't spent enough time with her and that she and father had just come home after a tiring day at work and would have liked to spend time with me and some other drivel like that). Sid came later too. The pizzas were dee-lish but very expensive I must say! Anyway, alls good.

So, like I said, I'm just doing the aforementioned now and I think it's time for me to make a little phonecall. Teehee.

xxx
Maya

2008-12-06T19:09:00.002+08:00

What's with the world?

I've been doing my fair share of reading these few days and I find that the world we live in now is one where I would definitely not want to bring up another generation of people (i.e my children). There is chaos of every denomination unraveling EVERYDAY! No wait! Every MINUTE! EVERY SECOND! I don't want my children to live in a world where they have to fight like savages for everything, where they are starved of the very pure air, surrounded by crisis and diseases, taxes and crime AND TERRORIST ATTACKS. I don't understand why terrorists can't just see the world is in a bad enough state and if they really wanted their message to get across to people, they could start with educating themselves a little and not letting their radicalism get to their little insensitive heads. HUMANS ARE SUPPOSED TO EVOLVE WITH TIME NOT RECEED BACK INTO THE STONEAGE. It's the 21st century for crying out loud and we're still at each others' throats, still concerned with the littlest things in life that people should have got over a few hundred years ago. (LIKE CASTE FOR EXAMPLE). What the hell? Shouldn't people be worrying about other things, like GLOBAL WARMING or THE SAFETY OF HUMAN BEINGS AND THE IMPORTANCE OF GETTING ALONG WITH PEOPLE OF EVERY RACE AND RELIGION? So WHAT if I marry a Chinese or an African or a European? So what? Its not like caste is going to solve the world's colossal amount of problems. SHEESH.

Anyway, before I continue this potentially dangerous (for me) rant, let me recommend some sites for you to look through:

http://www.faithfreedom.org/challenge.htm
http://angryaussie.wordpress.com/

Hope you have a good weekend.

Lots of love and luck to this world we live in,

Maya

2008-11-29T20:42:00.002+08:00

Sia Furler

I love Sia's songs and her voice - It's so good and unique.

The Girl You Lost to Cocaine

2008-11-24T14:59:00.003+08:00

To my love, my life

These lyrics aren't right because it's not the radio version like the video plays but I prefer the lyrics below. I love this song

EVERYTHING - ALANIS MORISETTE:

I can be a nightmare of the grandest kind
I can withhold like it's going out of style
I can be the moodiest baby and you've never met anyone
who is as negative as I am sometimes

I am the wisest woman you've ever met.
I am the kindest soul with whom you've connected.
I have the bravest heart that you've ever seen
And you've never met anyone
Who's as positive as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

I blame everyone else, not my own partaking
My passive-aggressiveness can be devastating
I'm terrified and mistrusting
And you've never met anyone as,
As closed down as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

What I resist, persists, and speaks louder than I know
What I resist, you love, no matter how low or high I go

I'm the funniest woman you've ever known.
I am the dullest woman you've ever known.
I'm the most gorgeous woman you've ever known
And you've never met anyone as, as everything as I am sometimes.

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

And you're still here
And you're still here...

I love you Addy. I'm sorry for everything. I love you forever <3 mwa!

2008-11-16T21:49:00.003+08:00

My heart versus my heart

I have someone whom I love deeply and someone who talks to me and gives me endless amounts of attention, like someone in a budding ''romance'' would. The attention-giving one attracts me much. But the one I love dearly loves me unconditionally and almost flawlessly. Feelings for loved one have not deteriorated one bit and are stronger than ever. I know attention-giver's feelings may fade, but are growing seemingly, but also, loved one's feelings are guaranteed to last. Also, giving up one would mean heavy awkwardness, which I am ready to live with of course given the preference for the loved one, but not easy to do. Giving up the other would mean virtual emptiness. My heart is not ready to give up anything, not ready to sacrifice. My heart is not ready to be alone. What do I do? Which heart do I follow?

2008-11-15T02:33:00.001+08:00

Your demons are too strong to resist

SO the mind is once again filled with confusion and anxiety.

The song 'Numb' by Sia is some remixed version. You should get your hands on the original. Far better. Sia is basically amazing.

Hoorah.

2008-10-21T22:36:00.004+08:00

Because we're only human...

It is every humane (I say this with much ambiguity in the connotation of the word) person's job to tell another person (usually someone they care about) the brighter part of their situation. Even if they were sitting and inevitably dying of cancer, their friend/loved-one/acquaintance would be telling the patient that a miracle would happen, that they'd be fine. Sometimes it's better to hear the truth, because then everyone's insecurities related to the prospect of possibly not having the person (with cancer) around is too scary. It is like how people in the Hairy Bladder books do not say ''VOLDEMORT" out loud.
So anyway, I was just pondering over the possibility that I might have nose cancer or something because of my over-swelling nasal fistula that is practically blocking my nose passage (i.e hindering my very breathing process) and everything and the fact that I have virtually all the symptoms. But whatever. It is just that my allergic rhinitis is pissing the blimming hell out of me.

The common presentations are:

Neck swelling from spread to neck lymph nodes (60%)
Ear symptoms eg ear blockage of tinnitus (30%)
Nose symptoms eg nose bleeds (30%)

So I was telling Mag and Jecil and Addy:

Maya. read and die --> http://kent86.blogdrive.com/ says:

And if I did have cancer, which I think'd be sorta cool only because everyone would suddenly care. everyone'd be too sweet. like all the people who weren't before. Mellifluous. And then, iIcan finally see for myself the extent of human pretense.
Plus it wouldn't be so bad cos I'd get to miss plenty of school. And come out alive because Nose Cancer is very curable.

Anyway, I have a headache now. And it appears my mother is ready to leave her sacred office. So I can finally please myself with the thought of retiring to my soft queen-sized bed (hells yes I deserve to show off something I got free from the owners).

Goodnight!
xx M Pap

2008-10-06T20:43:00.003+08:00

Le Weekend

So the weekend was pretty good. I went for both nights of the Gujarati Association's 'Dhol Bhaje' Dandiya Night thingy and Saturday was way more fun that Sunday but I looked way more appropriately dressed on Sunday than I did on Saturday and I know I'm using a lot of redundant words due to repetition but I don't care because this is my blog not an English exam, right? Right. So anyway, I've been reading the 'New Moon' E-book and watching 'Scrubs' episodes (Got 7 seasons from India) and waiting for Gossip Girl and Heroes episodes to come out. Season 3 of Heroes is AMAZING. And Mohinder's body isn't that bad. Ha, not that I care. Anyway, today was quite a waste of time. We had frees all day except for Chem and that too wasn't much. And we missed english on account of we had some exhibition/fair of some random un-renown colleges in the US. But getting info was good I suppose. I'm not too keen on going to the US anyway because I'll have to do Pre-Med/Dentistry/Law (whichever I eventually decide on) for 3 years, and then I get to enter Med School and that's another 7 years or more. I'd rather not study for more than 10 years in two or three different universities to be honest. That's why I'm aiming at the UK. More particularly, Imperial College London. I'm gonna have to work a lot harder I know, but I'm really keen on going there.

Wellllll, my SAT 1 went pretty well. Now alls I've got to do is wait patiently for another 11-12 odd days for the results! And if I don't get the scores up to my expectations/satisfaction, don't expect them to be posted here!

Love,
Maya Papaya

2008-10-02T15:24:00.002+08:00

I'M BACK!

So after a month of my blogging being on a hiatus, something (or possibly the lack of something to do) encouraged me to start blogging again! Hoorah. Well this month hasn't been very eventful. Just full of tests, lack-of-sleep, binging, trying not to binge, music, panic, fights, food, food, food, SAT exam practice and whatever mayhem can be included into an average teenage life. I may be 17 but I honestly don't feel it. I feel more mature (yes both ways) but I still feel like I have a long long way to go though university is just two years from now.

I can't be bothered to go on. Something just ruins my mood all the time.

I'll never be a happy woman.

2008-09-09T22:46:00.004+08:00

Thank You Addy!

THANKS TO ADITYA, I AM NOW FINALLY COMPLETELY IN LOVE WITH THE BAND ''ELUVEITIE'' BECAUSE IT IS A PERFECT BLEND OF BOTH MY FAVOURITE GENRES OF MUSIC IN THE WORLD. CELTIC INSTRUMENTAL AND METAL!

You are A-Mazing. Haha. And I am determined to learn the violin bits in every song.

OF FIRE, WIND AND WISDOM - ELUVEITIE:

2008-09-08T23:16:00.005+08:00

I want these!!!

IF ONLY THEY WEREN'T SO EXPENSIVE AND SO FAR AWAY IN AUSTRALIA (SHIPPING COSTS $$$!) PLUS THEY'RE PRETTY EXPENSIVE ON THEIR OWN - IF ONLY MY SCHOOL HAD A BLOODY FORMAL. I like the first one most, because it looks like a party-cum-formal dress and it's pretty and compliments my skin. The other 2 are more elegant. The last one is pretty but looks too woman-ish, but nice all the same! ANYWAY, check 'em out! (http://chicformalwear.com.au)

ORANGE COCKTAIL DRESS
PINK FORMAL DRESS
PURPLE FLOWING FORMAL DRESS

2008-09-07T21:27:00.005+08:00

I was bored - hence - The Vagina Monologues

SO, being bored as I was, I decided to surf the internet for something interesting and since I remember hearing about 'The Vagina Monologues', I decided to look it up and possibly read one of the monologues. I came across this one. An extract by a woman in Bosnia who was raped mercilessly by soldiers.

MY VAGINA WAS MY VILLAGE - EXTRACT BY EVE ENSLER:

My vagina was green, water soft pink fields, cow mooing, sun resting, sweet boyfriend touching lightly with soft piece of blonde straw.

There is something between my legs. I do not know what it is. I do not know where it is. I do not touch. Not now. Not anymore. Not since.

My vagina was chatty, can’t wait, so much, so much saying words talking, can’t quit trying, can’t quit saying, oh yes, oh yes.

Not since I dream there’s a dead animal sewn in down there with thick black fishing line. And the bad dead animal smell cannot be removed. And its throat is slit and it bleeds through all my summer dresses.

My vagina singing all girl songs, all goat bell ringing songs, all wild autumn field songs, vagina songs, vagina home songs.

Not since the soldiers put a long thick rifle inside me. So cold, the steel rod cancelling my heart. Don’t know whether they’re going to fire it or shove it through my spinning brain. Six of them, monstrous doctors with black masks shoving bottles up me too. There were sticks and the end of a broom.

My vagina swimming river water, clean spilling water over sun-baked stones, over stone clit, clit stones over and over.

Not since I heard the skin tear and made lemon screeching sounds, not since a piece of my vagina came off in my hand, a part of the lip, now one side of the lip is completely gone.

My vagina. A live wet water village. My vagina my hometown.

Not since they took turns for seven days smelling like faeces and smoked meat, they left their dirty sperm inside me. I became a river of poison and puss and all the crops died, and the fish.

My vagina a live wet water village.
They invaded it. Butchered it
And burned it down.

I do not touch now.

Do not visit.

I live some place else now.
I don’t know where that is.

Extracted from The Vagina Monologues

It is horrible really. I'd like to find the entire monologue and read it.

HELP STOP VIOLENCE AGAINST WOMEN PEOPLE!

WOMEN ARE THE MOST ESSENTIAL BEINGS ON THIS EARTH. NO ONE'D EVEN EXIST WITHOUT WOMEN.

SO ABUSIVE HUSBANDS, FUCKING START TREATING YOUR WIVES WITH RESPECT.
(And no, I don't give a shit if this comes across as ''FEMINIST". The world has received far too much male propaganda)

2008-09-07T14:58:00.002+08:00

Rant

OKAY. This post is not going to be so much a rant as it is a factual depiction of my life and my actual feelings. This is my blog. I have rights. So I decide what I want to say and I say it. It is no different than a diary apart from the fact that people read it. I did not use the word ''SECRET" before diary so therefore I do not mind and in fact like it that other people get to read this little thingy. So basically, yesterday was my brother's farewell party. The night before, I had had my own little get together of good friends to watch 2 horror movies (Dead Silence and Alone) and have some junkfood. It was pretty fun I guess but so was yesterday. My brother's friends came and from my side, Saad, Saher, Aranya and Anna. We played random games and for forfeit, we had to chug beer or whatever alcohol we had with us. Despite the fact that I had a sorethroat, I guzzled down 2 beer cans, 1 Bacardi Breezer and 2 glasses of Rum & Coke. So basically I woke up sounding a little improvement from a Transvestite. Yeah and also, Aranya, Anna and I decided to come up with our own crappy webcast/thingy for youtube. I plan on editing the videos once they decide to import and I will upload them for your viewing pleasure/displeasure. I attempted to rap in 2 of after the other 2 gave me an impromptu topic and it was sort of disastrous but whatever. Anna was obviously tipsy. We also talked about 'Racism' in a very roundabout way (A lot of randomnity). Yeah well basically it was fun. And my parents have hardly been home these past 2 days, which made enjoying a lot easier. Today though, I decided to have my tuition despite my friends being over and I did for 2 hours and now I feel that I've at least managed to do something academic all weekend. I'm still sleepy though. Doing random quizzes in my 'Dolly' Magazine. Oh and apparently it's Vidhishaa's birthday party today, which I wasn't invited to. And which Neha probably knew but asked me anyway. Anyway, bowling plans with friends cancelled because no one is up to it today. SO yeahs. Oh. Lookatthetime! Aranya's leaving soon. GTG (HAHA when'd I start using shortforms on my blog?!).

Tata
-M Pap-

2008-09-03T23:19:00.002+08:00

New Lyrics Blog

SO.. I've decided to segregate my lyrics from my daily-life entries because I realised people who are interested in reading them (lyrics) find it a task to navigate through the entries to look for them. So here it is!

Love

-M Pap-

2008-09-01T22:39:00.005+08:00

When feeling down, consult the experts

snakes and ladders says: (10:28:28 PM)
but why cambridge i cant understand :P (on me wanting/aiming for cambridge, which is NOT my first choice - Imperial is. Well I don't know yet. I don't care)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:29:32 PM)
--Bats Jr.-- a.k.a.Feedback boy. 213. M PaP-->my favorite lyricist says: (10:28:43 PM)
so what if you didn't? (this is regarding not getting into UWC thanks to the MOE's restricting policies stating that Singaporeans who have received/were granted prior permission to study in an International school, cannot/will not be allowed to receive said permission for a second time)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:28:47 PM)
i think i might just die halfway through ib

--Bats Jr.-- a.k.a.Feedback boy. 213. M PaP-->my favorite lyricist says: (10:28:51 PM)
you're so much smarter than everyone (yeah, right. he has to say that, he's my boyfriend)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:29:05 PM)
already it's stressing me out. and i hate everyone. i'm gonna kill myself in a few months. i know i will.

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:29:13 PM)
i'm not (the smartest blah)

--Bats Jr.-- a.k.a.Feedback boy. 213. M PaP-->my favorite lyricist says: (10:29:15 PM)
and you are saving so much on school so your parents will have more money for your uni (undeniable fact)

THIS IS WHERE I CONTINUE TALKING TO SNAKES AND LADDERS (I.E NAVJOTE):

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:30:23 PM)
and i do not agree with the smarter than everyone in my class

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:30:25 PM)
it's bullshit

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:30:26 PM)
i am not

snakes and ladders says: (10:30:54 PM)
why aren't you? and anyway comparing yourself against the benchmark of your classmate isnt too good a thing to do

snakes and ladders says: (10:31:05 PM)
dont stress out now

snakes and ladders says: (10:31:19 PM)
why're you studying? is it why most ppl do, to just get a grade

snakes and ladders says: (10:31:25 PM)
or do you genuinely enjoy what you're doing

snakes and ladders says: (10:31:34 PM)
do you like reading the lit texts you've got

snakes and ladders says: (10:31:37 PM)
the history you're studying

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:31:53 PM)
i've never really asked myself that

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:07 PM)
i seem to do it just to get good grades. i like history. and bio. usually

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:10 PM)
so i do that cuz i want to

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:11 PM)
and math

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:13 PM)
cuz i wanna do well

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:23 PM)
english i don't like most of the books she's prescribed

snakes and ladders says: (10:32:23 PM)
yea

snakes and ladders says: (10:32:25 PM)
and then its fun

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:27 PM)
it's gonna be a chore

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:32:30 PM)
sometimes it's a chore

snakes and ladders says: (10:32:40 PM)
haha, doing books you dont like its a chore?

snakes and ladders says: (10:32:43 PM)
no its fun actually

snakes and ladders says: (10:32:48 PM)
pointing out how stupid they are (that is so true!)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:33:22 PM)
haha a body looks nice
Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:33:26 PM)
before you dissect it (to quote a bitch who once said it to me)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:33:31 PM)
similarly

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:33:51 PM)
a book is only so good until the point comes where you have to delve deeper than deep into it

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:34:03 PM)
even beyond the mind of the author

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:34:10 PM)
and what he might have actually been thinking

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:34:11 PM)
or not thinking at all

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:15 PM)
no no no no, i thought that too, actually its really fun!

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:34:29 PM)
i wish i had as positive an outlook as you do/did

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:29 PM)
coz if you think about it, you're making commentary about human life, human behaviour

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:33 PM)
thats really interesting

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:38 PM)
nah its simple

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:51 PM)
think about the power you have when you go through a book

snakes and ladders says: (10:34:59 PM)
you're saying this is what ppl are like

snakes and ladders says: (10:35:00 PM)
this is what they do

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:36:19 PM)
that's true

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:36:34 PM)
but i reckon it is more torturous than pleasurable

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:36:38 PM)
mostly

snakes and ladders says: (10:36:41 PM)
haha why!

snakes and ladders says: (10:36:48 PM)
if you take it at a good pace

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:36:53 PM)
i am making an assumption

snakes and ladders says: (10:36:54 PM)
discuss it, have fun criticising it

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:36:56 PM)
i am pessimistic

snakes and ladders says: (10:37:01 PM)
its more fun than you think it will be :)

snakes and ladders says: (10:37:12 PM)
you musn't be afraid to be an academic nerd

snakes and ladders says: (10:37:17 PM)
and by that i dont mean one who studies all the time

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:19 PM)
i'm not at all

snakes and ladders says: (10:37:23 PM)
i mean one who enjoys what you do

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:24 PM)
i want to go to a good university

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:32 PM)
and i want to pursue a challenging field

snakes and ladders says: (10:37:38 PM)
a real nerds one who loves his work, who relates it to everything

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:40 PM)
so i can't sit around bumming and complaining, i know that (this is where we are both talking about completely different things but what Navjote said is very agreeable to)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:45 PM)
but i am also being realistic

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:37:52 PM)
i agree totally (finally acknowledges - SORRY NAVJOTE!)

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:38:02 PM)
but you know, there is always a dark side to everything (This is the point i become too Sith-ish)

snakes and ladders says: (10:38:21 PM)
yea i know haha (its my job to be optimistic i cant tell you its gonna suck or you'll really think it does!!)

snakes and ladders says: (10:38:31 PM)
haha its gonna be hard hard work!! (No duh!)

snakes and ladders says: (10:38:38 PM)
but it doesnt need to be hell

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:38:46 PM)
haha that's true

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:38:49 PM)
i am saying

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:38:57 PM)
it is a good/bad/whatever balance of both

snakes and ladders says: (10:39:08 PM)
always is :)

snakes and ladders says: (10:39:17 PM)
good wldn't be good without bad

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:39:21 PM)
true true

THEN WE GO TOTALLY OFF-POINT:

snakes and ladders says: (10:39:49 PM)
Singapore is a multi-racial and multi-cultural country that sits in/at? the heart of Asia.

snakes and ladders says: (10:39:53 PM)
shld it be in or at

snakes and ladders says: (10:40:00 PM)
im thinking at

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:17 PM)
in

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:20 PM)
obviously

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:24 PM)
sits at?

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:30 PM)
situated

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:33 PM)
is a better word

Maya - You once revered me, exalted me...and now, you castigate me. says: (10:52:44 PM)
situated in.

Sooo let's get on with talking about my day.

IN A NOT-QUITE-NUTSHELL:

9.30 am - I wake up
11 am - A time (Not everyone needs to know)
1pm - Leave for School (I left late because I only had one test - French)
1.45 - 2.15 - I do the test and finish early. Only to later realise I had left out 18 marks and the VP didn't allow the 3 of us geniiii to do it though we had time to spare. Bastard.
3.45 - 4.45 - Dean of University of British Columbia talks to us about it (The University, obviously)
5pm - Arrive at NLB for Volunteer work and David Davidar Book-Reading
8.30 - Arrive home and head the the Optician to purchase my Monthly Contact Lens and get a new case and look at pretty perspective new spectacles with pretty flowery design on the side
9 - Dinner and TV
10.30 - IM-ing, Facebook, E-mail, Magazine
11 - Bath! FINALLY.

ALSO, I am very upset with the lack of purple-ness in my hair despite applying quite a bit of Cassis Purple Hairdye last night. I shall do it again a little more meticulously and this time I will actually use up the entire contents of the bottle(s). And with the help of someone (Anna).

AND I decided to increase the font-size after late-realisation ("finally" you must all be thinking) that my font-size is painfully small and people must be getting the idea that I'm trying to make their eyesight as bad as mine - SO SORRY ABOUT THAT!

AND FYI. I WROTE THE LYRICS OF THAT SONG/THINGAMAJIGJIG IN THE PREVIOUS POST, JUST IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING.

XxX
M Pap

2008-08-31T20:39:00.003+08:00

Butchered By Sanity

A warm bosom, is what you crave,
Not your mother's, she despised you,
Your fantasy for delicate virginal female,
A depraved childhood leaves you no choice,
Stranded in the silent cacophony,
The only music in your head.

What you once sought is now an image,
That is slowly disappearing,
Behind your mind's eye,
Shut out from the world as you might be,
A monster you have become from within.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me.

Spearing the world with your words,
That seem to fall on untrodden path,
Disappearing in the whispers of the wind,
Where nothing and no one bother to go,
Fallen from Grace you have indeed.

Your ties, severed with your mind,
And Insanity plays no fault,
It's sanity that has butchered you,
Cut you up, chewed you up and spat you out
Leaving nothing but pieces of what once was.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me.

You can't see beyond the reaches of yourself,
Consumed by devilish cravings,
You've torn down the barriers,
Between what you tried to maintain, and me,
And you've torn me...torn me up beyond reprieve.

No self-redemption is worth trying for,
You know what you are (an empty soul) and
What you were is no more,
Tossed about by blatant lies,
You've torn me up...torn me up inside.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me
With hands, with hands so bloody.

xx
-M Pap-

2008-08-24T21:01:00.005+08:00

The Human Psyche

So today, instead of revising for my monthlies, I decided to watch this documentary on the Crime and Investigation channel (which happens to be my favourite channel for some inexplicable reason - Forensic Science and stories about Psychopaths/Serial Killers have always interested me) on Cannabalism on the programme 'Unexplained'. It talked about the origins of it and how the human psyche could drive a desperate starving human being to consume another human being if nothing else is available for consumption. Also, it talked about how some colloquial terms we use to describe the cuteness of a baby like "That baby is so cute I could eat it all up" is a minor reflection of Cannabalistic urges/cravings. Like how we grit our teeth when we get angry at someone and say, "I wanna cut him up, grind his bones chew him up and spit him out" or find something ultra cute and go, "Omg" - grit grit. It is actually rather freaky when you think about it like that. And yet, it is true and an undeniable fact. Despite how much we may appall the entire prospect of having to eat another human being, we will, most likely commit such a heinous act in a dire circumstance - survival. So we are not as highly-evolved as we claim. Most of the world still eats meat daily. It is still a savage act no matter which way it is put (And I am no saint in this matter either). The most disturbing example of a Cannibal Serial Killer given in the show was that of Andrei Romanovich Chikatilo - A possibly bi-sexual serial killer from the former USSR who killed and consumed various body parts, namely the female uterus, of his victims - 52 girls, boys and women - He described the uterus as pink and springy (Hence we can deduce that his victims were mainly female). He was executed in 1994 by means of a gunshot to the head. Oh well, hopefully we never have to be in such an instance where we are faced with having to consume each other for survival. It is just a despicable thought. With the benefit of hindsight however, it is notable that human beings have been carrying out this act for many centuries for various things - Human sacrifice, Survival or be it plain weird urges. So it is actually part and parcel of our entire existence as Homosapiens, which makes it rather unavoidable. And we are very curious about this topic, despite it appalling us.
Okay, on another less gruesome note.....
I have been studying for my upcoming SAT on October the 4th and trying to complete last-minute homework. I still have to study Biology and I'm recovering from this minor fever/flu thing i contracted during the night.
I went to watch Addy and his band Polarix's finals yesterday at 'The Arena'(which I can't stand because the lighting is just terrible) and they were awesome so nobody cares that they came second cuz they were just about the awesomest. And I'm just proud to have such a cool boyfriend. Possibly because I am not half as cool and possibly because I can one day become rich and famous alongside him (thanks to him more like). Haha, okay to be honest, I have no intention of becoming famous but rich is always an attractive option. I am still not sure if i want to apply to the UK to study A100 Medicine or Dentistry or Veterinary Medicine. I am not even sure if I am cut out to become anything medical. I shall keep working though and keep my fingers crossed. I hope everything works out for me in these next two absolutely strenuous years. So yeah, after the band thinga I had to go to the National Library with Raunak, Tanoy and Thilanga (who so wonderfully came despite me asking so last-minute - ilallofy for that by the way) and we had to do very mundane jobs. I was equipped with an 'India Se' T-shirt and a cool access card to constantly open this door for the guests to use the lift and my brother took them up and down in the lift (His job, I have to admit, was worse, most obviously) and Raunak just directed the guests to me and Thilanga and Tanoy were together in the carpark directing people to the 1st floor. Haha but yeah, they get paid for it and it was sorta fun so I doubt they much cared about the whole mundanity of it. I am now going to get back to work and hopefully get something done!

OH AND A VERY HAPPY 2-YEAR-6-MONTH ANNIVERSARY ADDY BABY! MWA! <3>
xx
Papaya

2008-08-19T20:01:00.002+08:00

Monthlies...and stuff

So the torture is on and the school has decided to give the IBY1's their first dose of 'Monthly Tests'. So for starters, I decided to change Economics SL to History SL because of the pathetic-ness of teaching I am facing. The teacher is odd and talks about the most irrelevant stuff and she doesn't like me (possibly this is due to the fact that I am the only girl in the class) and she puts it across in a rather cynical way. So anyway, I don't need Economics in the field I want to pursue later on anyway and history is interesting and easier to score in and it is more suited to me (or I to it, whichever suits). So yeah, I am catching up on everything I missed out in it and then I will have to do Chemistry tomorrow and then Biology and Math over the weekend and I should be settled for the tests. I am going to try and take them as seriously as I possibly can as they are counted for the final IBY1 Grade apparently (either that or they're using some cynical method to scare us) and those are the Grades we send for applications to universities or something. So anyway! Apart from all this, my class is weird but some people are funny. Most people are weird but I guess I'm just in this for the education. I backed out of the President's Star Charity dance auditions because it's apparently a SOLO recital. Do they honestly expect ME to come up with a 3-minute-self-choreographed-dance in ONE day? Na-ah. So yeah. That's outta the question. And I am on a CAS(for the uninitiated, Creativity Action Service hours are like...CIP)-hour claiming spree. Claiming hours from wherever I can. SO YEAH! I decided not to rant about the fashion show disaster that day as I got to claim 6 CAS hours and my friends made me feel better. I love y'all for that okay!

WELL. I have nothing left to say. So. Giveuponmenow. I have 'Kunt' by KoRn stuck in my head. Life is Peachy, indeed it is.

2008-08-14T22:25:00.002+08:00

Feeling Girly

Today I am freaking myself out by being so girly. I usually hate shopping (though I love getting things from other people - doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to) but I seem to want to do it more and more now and I have a shopping appt. with Neha tomorrow. And I bought Girlfriend magazine from the airport today and I have this huge urge to watch this movie "Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging'' that's being released in Singapore in December but it's already out on the web (Thank Singapore for it's extreme censorship policies that lead to late movie release dates). http://alluc.org. Yeah this is the movie http://www.angusthongsmovie.com/intl/uk/

Yeah. And. Horrible rant about terrible fashion show yesterday and helping skinny boobless tall bitchy models into their outfits and getting attitude from bitchier fashion designers, will come tomorrow.

So, yeah, look forward to that. Or not.

2008-08-08T19:58:00.004+08:00

Righteously wickedly awesome day

So basically the day was good because I didn't go to school and I'm glad I didn't and I had time with my favourite person in the world and I got to watch 2 movies. One was pretty shitty, though I can't deny I quite enjoyed it. It was ''Yours, Mine and Ours'' and then I watched a movie I'd been dying to watch "Hard Candy" and it was really good. The kind've movie I enjoy. Good acting, not too much of a complicated but rather psychotic and thrilling plot with good dialogue and the best part was Ellen Page and her kick-ass acting. She totally has earned my respect. Well I apparently am torn between whether to go to my cousin's and watch the olympics on HD TV or go to the dinner at Aunty Dolly D the BANGALI'S, with my mother like I promised I would this morning in my state of semi-sleep.

The pondering continues...

Stay tune. Will be back with more bs you didn't need to know.

Love,

MPap

2008-07-23T19:46:00.002+08:00

Bullshit

Yup ain't the world full 'o that!

PSYCHOSOCIAL:

I did my time
And I want out
So abusive, fate
It doesn't cut
The soul
Is not so vibrant
The reckoning
The sickening
Back at you
Subversion
Pseudo-sacred
Pyscho virgin
Go tell your classes
Go dig you grave
Then fill
Your mouth with
All the money
You will save
Sinking in
Getting smaller again
Undone
It has begun
I'm not the only one

And the rain
Will kill us all
If we throw ourselves
Against the wall
But no one else
Can see
The preservation
Of the martyr in me

Psychosocial (6x)

Oh, there are cracks
In the road we lay
From when the devil fell
The secrets have gone mad
This is nothing new
But would we kill it all
Fate was all we had
Who needs another mess
We could start over
Just look me in the eyes
And say I'm wrong
Now there's only emptiness
But I'm missing something
I think we're done
I'm not the only one

Fake and defenseless lie
(Psychosocial)
I tried to tell you first
(Psychosocial)
Your hurtful lies
Are giving out
(Psychosocial)
Can't stop the killing
I can't help
If it's hunting season
Is this what you want
I'm not the only one.

Mag reminded me that escaping into the realm of Slipknot and the fact that they are coming out with a new album, is comforting. What from all the relative fucked-up-ness of real life.

Quoting from Mag and Lin's blog (Lin's post of Thursday 17th July 2008 | 01:37 pm) "Perhaps I just hate conformity.
I hate authority.
And I need a taste of reality.

I think the world is a really nice place. It's just fucking Singapore." (http://physicstys.livejournal.com)

I forgot how to quote oh wow. I am really genii material. But whatever, I feel the EXACT same way seriously.

Apparently my birthday is next friday. I was reminded that my birthday was approaching about 5 days ago and I honestly felt like it was more than a month away before that bout of realisation struck me in the face. Birthdays honestly aren't a big deal. It's not like you remember when you were born and everything and it's not like you had a choice. This day was actually created as ''bath day'' in Victiorian England when the English didn't believe in bathing more than once a year - due to the weather and stuff (but I personally think it was due to a total lack of concern for hygiene - thus the deadly diseases that originated from the country). That's also where the phrase, "Don't throw the baby out with the bathwater" originated from because on that very day (known as ''Birthday'') during either Christmas or a day in the summer solstice, the entire family would bathe, using the same water in a bucket (From a well obviously), starting with the man of the family and then the woman, then the children and finally the baby. The baby, being small and infantile would be put right into the bucket that would by then be all murky from the accumulated dirt of the entire year on the rest of the family members and the baby could obviously not be seen in its murkiness so there was always that fear (maybe this is a slight exaggeration but you get the point) of the baby being thrown out with the bathwater. So yeah! Weird pointless historical info I heard from my cousin.

So anyway, I put my name in for this 'Rock It' thing at ITE College East on the 26th and 27th because I found out we can claim 22 CAS hours for going around 11 hours each day for pointless seminars and random games and bonding sessions and stuff. Since it's literally walkable distance from my house, I am DEFINITELY in (and the whole CAS hour thing) - the extent of human greed overwhelms me! Indeed!!

I eat so much now and I always feel vomitty. I feel messed up. But yes, that is life!

Oh and here's a little something something I tried writing and I can't finish it yet again! HERE:

drown me in the flames. push me into the burning mass. i'm made of plastic anyway. no pain befalls my skin. i have no next-of-kin
poke me with the stokes you use, sheer the skin up off my back, my skin was meant to disintegrate, i'm in this shithole of putrid hate.
it wreaks. the ground the damned dirty ground, yes it wreaks.

over-zealous cheeky fucks, teens in hoodies taking drugs, purgatory's great, should be their only fucking fate.

2008-07-21T20:11:00.004+08:00

Indescribable

Seriously, if anyone were to ask me how it is I'm always smiling and how I get over stuff so easily despite my ever-changing rocky temper, I'd have just one answer.

Unconditional, Mind-Blowing Love.

I love you! You are A-Mazing =)

ALWAYS & FOREVER.

Mayaddy.

And Maggie, Aranya and Neha, this goes without saying. I LOVE YOU TOO!!

2008-07-07T23:44:00.003+08:00

First Day of IB - woohoo. Not.

So the first year of my two years of the IB Diploma started today and I can't say today was a good day. Except the teachers were hilarious save 2 of them and the class is infested with new students who look mostly like well, retards (i'm sorry for the bluntness) and I guess that's what made me laugh all day despite supposedly pms-ing - i am surprised how little i got angry today, honestly, being me that too. Well I also reached the conclusion that learning the guitar isn't such a herculean task after all because the fact that there are frets - i.e divisions - you know where to place your fingers, even if it is a bit of a bitch to stretch sometimes. And it's easier for me to say that because I play the violin in 6 different positions and I have to stretch all over the place just by estimating the distance. There is no division given to you. And the chords are simple to memorise. I memorised 7 in half an hour. I am doing this for the sole reason that I love how the guitar sounds and I have always admired people who play it well and since I play one string instrument that is so difficult already, why not try out another one that might be easier? And it is my favourite instrument because of its sound and the fact that it can be played for basically any mood. The violin is more for celtic fiddle or melancholic classics. Both of which are amazing but it's difficult to do jazz on the violin without much practice. And the jazz is pretty much already covered by my saxophone. So yeah, hopefully in a few years, I can add the guitar to my ever-increasing repertoire. That'll eventually make it 4 instruments! And a teeny bit of piano chords to boot thanks to theory of music. So 5? It's the only thing I am properly inclined to do anyway. Well let's just hope IBDPY1 will be a good change from the mundanity of things so far.

2008-07-04T17:24:00.002+08:00

How do you like me NOW?

Domino - Pretty Girls Make Graves

Radar, radar, radar
Searching for innocence
Satisfied, satellite
Where do I fit in?
All mixed up with you
In the right kind of wrong
Radar, radar, radar
Calling out for the truth
What words are most wise
from a bloodthirsty youth?
I have tasted the sweet of your lips
But am I pacified?
No no no no
Heart calls domino
Mi fai pazzo
Radar, radar, radar
How do you like it?
How do you like me now?

I wish I were as cool as Andrea Zollo the lead. And that I had two-toned coloured hair and not the ever-so-common bright-red-and-now-mildly-auburn hair.

The only 'Brill Thrill' I have left to look forward to is the release of 'Psychosocial', which comes out around my birthday. I guess it'll be slightly after but whatever.

2008-07-03T23:55:00.008+08:00

I wish your body was not so warm to me

So I'm back from the 11 day - 11 night trip. And before I say anything else, I am going to admit that 'The Prune' wasn't so bad after all. She gave me a lift back to Bombay and it was 3 hours in a car with just her and a bored-looking driver and she was actually nice and apart from the fact that I had to control my pee, it was a pleasant drive. Alibagh has some lush scenery. She only said that she doesn't like Singapore because she feels it is too 'plastic' and expensive and added in that over-said lame joke about Singapore being a 'Fine' city. But I honestly cannot deny those facts are true. But it's given my family a good life so I guess I should be happy and not crib about it though I don't plan on studying here for university at all. I am and can be loyal to Singapore (when I'm outside Singapore mostly) seeing as how I have been a citizen for almost exactly 13 years now. (The Indians back home call me a traitor - haha. ha). Yeah so these few days, I've been feeling too knackered to blog. I don't see who the blimming hell reads this anyway. Not even you, Adicakes Smith. It's just my dear Lesbian Lover Maggie Y with the evil twin brother Fred Venus (if you get the joke don't hesitate to let out a belting-ly roaring-ly loud laugh). So I'm done watching the lesbian show 'Sugar Rush'. it was well interesting but honestly an odd choice of a TV Programme for someone who used to think she was homo-phobic. I think I've become a little more tolerant of the idea, not that I'd ever try anything even minutely dyke-ish. So now I'm trying to be a good friend and a good girlfriend. I think the latter is working out fine now. The best it's ever been. But on the friend side I'm getting from bad to worse. I just feel so out of it. I can't explain. But when it comes to standing up for friends, count me in. Well today I actually had a fabulous time. And those who need to know will know why. I love you. More than is humanely comprehendible. And I need to stop dancing to ''Daddy Cool''. Is your Daddeh cool? OH and I am completely going orgasmic on my new MacBook.

A song i used to love almost obsessively.

"Just So You Know" - American Head-Charge

the surface is so cold and worthless
all the things that I have still come from there
so paint your windows in front of my face
when you know damn well theres
no one behind them
I wish your body was not so warm to me
just so you know
all it was was something beautiful
when tides and dreams dont seem so tall at all
its me against the world still Im losing ground
Id kill to taste what it must be like
cause its every one of my empty parts
that you fill now
I wish your body was not so warm to me
just so you know
all it was was something beautiful
when tides and dreams dont seem so tall at all
pause silence
another moment dropped off
left behind and
hanging still
you wont see me
I cant see you
all it was was something beautiful
when tides and dreams dont seem so tall at all

2008-06-28T22:59:00.003+08:00

Bonanza in Bummbay (and Kihim/Alibagh)
Well as the obvious as the title is, I am going to repeat to everyone that I am in wonderful Maharashtra. I was in bombay from the 19th of june and then drove for 2 hours to the serene village of kihim where both my aunt's (dad's sister) and her son's estates are. Huge bungalows resting on acres of land and it's away from the bustling and over-crowded city and food is fresh here. I've been eating very little meat (for which I feel very good about) and in fact many days without it and I feel clean and healthy. The air here is just cleaner. No pollution, hardly any harmful gases emitting from every nook and cranny. Just lush green, monsoon and bright bright sunshine. Oh and plenty of big slobbery very affectionate dogs. The trip so far has been full of that and a lot of baby nephews(plural)-taking-caring-of and playing with baby toys and karaoke (not the type we get in singapore but where you have to stand and sing in front of an audience sitting at various tables) and dancing and good food and swimming and walking and drives and movies on the positive side and on the negative side, a little bit of snotty a-little-above-middle-aged-approaching-senior-age women (I am narrating an incident that happened this afternoon) who love assuming at the drop of a hat (just because I look oriental, and therefore better than them). This one woman I met today got out of the car with Aunty and Uncle from what she says was a 'wonderful trip' - didn't know where she had been or really care (she was Bengali as it turned out - and mind you, I have always loved Bengalis on a general scale as being warm and hospitable people) and Uncle bobby introduced me as Devendra's daughter and I smiled nicely and put my hand out and she acted like hers was made of porcelain and didn't quite do the same so it left me feeling well, akward, to say the least. So then she goes (the FIRST thing she says to me) "I see you've gone more towards your Mother's side (she was talking about my looks)". Then I go, "Well most people say I look like my dad but I personally don't think I look like either of them. Either that or I'm a blend of the two." And she gave me what seemed like a snort and she turned her ugly head in such a way that the silvery gray hair that was sitting in a 'posh' little bun that resembled a bird's nest wobbled like jell-o gone-bad. She proceeded on to tell Atika (my sister-in-law) that her trip to Manali (somewhere in the hills of Himachal) had been simply wonderful, completely brushing me aside though I was the one standing in front of her and Atika was seemingly a couple of kilometres away. So I decided I wasn't going to help miss perfect-manicure with her bags and headed on into the backhouse for lunch. I played with Atika and Bubbles baby for a bit and went out when called for lunch. The spread looked delicious and I had keema (really tasty ground Mutton - so that sorta broke the whole being-vegetarian-and-feeling-good-about-it thing) and the woman sat down too and when she asked for bread instead of chapatis (she claimed she was allergic to wheat) she said it like she'd never tasted the foreign tongue that is Hindi on her ''English'' lips. I rolled my eyes and then decided I wouldn't let her spoil my mood because I was finally settling down to the first meal of the day (at 1.20pm). She talked like a frivolous teenager (this shows that the initial plan of not-letting-myself-be-affected wasn't working so well) who was showing off a new lipgloss or a diamond-studded cellphone or her bronzed boyfriend or something along those lines, about her wonderful trip and some other wonderful things that I failed to understand as being ''wonderful'' - as she claimed. So anyway she then looks at me, rather harshly and asks my Auntie, "Sunita, she must be looking more like her mother than Davey right?" and I just about snarled at her when Aunty goes, "Honestly I think she's more of a mix". And I guess that sorta shunned her efforts because she was sure she was going to win this silent-battle with me. And then she talked about how her husband's chinese and that when her son and daughter were younger she took them to the beach on Goa and she said they were so chinky and looking at her people thought she was their maid. Obviously she was against the whole idea of an indian looking chinky, therefore this entire drama in the first place. She said they look oriental and then Rina (This lesbian friend of Aunty's who lives here) goes, "Thankfully your kids now look more like you than your husband" - I mean, if I was said anything bad to about my husband, I'd have let the bitch have it. Then the bong(Bengali) goes, "She looks oriental" - I.E I look really bad and chinky (what the fuck is wrong with looking chinky?). Then I just thought, 'At least I don't look like a shrivelled prune'. So the Prune continued her stupid conversation and her speech were like irritating little chirps that erupted over every syllable that came out of her ugly little purt mouth (that looked like the skin of a potato). It was no insult to me that she said I look like my mother, obviously, but she said it with disgust. And she might as well have been saying, ''You're indian? You look chinese and you're ugly and you don't belong here". I wanted to jam my fist into her mouth. And her nostrils were as big and wide as soup-spoons and I thought that explained why her shirt was the colour of vomit. Anyway, I am done bitching. So much bitching isn't good for my karma. Especially on a site people can access whenever. Anyway, hopefully the people concerned don't come across this but I think all these days of casing everything into this tiny shell, I will rant and rant till the sun goes down. I'm gonna watch this british series called 'Sugar Rush' now that stars this lesbian girl (in the show of course) who was also the ginger-haired one in ''Girls in Love''. I think she's brilliant and I'm sure I'll enjoy this. It'll take my mind off all the seemingly 'abstract' thinking I've been doing and all the cooping-myself-up-in-my-room-and-devouring-novel-after-novel and all the lack-of-meat (well this is minusing this afternoon's lunch of course). And. I'm hungry again. It's 9.08pm here. I'll be back on the 1st of July in the morning. My family misses me much more than I do. In fact, I feel very much at home here. I don't miss them at all. But I miss the food. And I miss Aditya. And my dogs. Well okay I do miss my family but to a certain extent. I love them nonetheless. School's starting on the 7th. Sigh. Well fun can just last so long can't it? Oh and I saw 'Untraceable' today. It's good. Watch it.

2008-06-11T02:01:00.005+08:00

..

I really fucking hate it when people judge me.
ESPECIALLY people who don't fucking know me.
And I don't fucking think I am better than everyone else, because if i did, I'd be all on my own and no one would even care about me because I'd be so self-centered to the point I'd repel people, on a general scale. And the most annoying part is, I LET myself get offended by this bullshit.

It's 2.03 am and I'm still awake (just 6 hours of sleep). surprise, surprise.

SOMETHING I STARTED AND CAN'T COMPLETE. (Just like everything else I try to do)

they pulled you up
out of the dirt
just like you did me
we filthy creatures

scathing remarks from putrid skunks
squirming in our beds
our itching shaven heads
pricking hay in our necks

our hands all tied and rusty
bleeding sceptic wounds
our bellies screaming out as us
no food, no food.

i'm done.

[i feel i am on the path to going completely haywire]

2008-06-08T03:10:00.003+08:00

Battle of The Year

Honestly, the entire highlight of today was that. Considering it lasted from 7-10.30 plus and though it was amazing and practically everyone was genius at breaking, I had to sit on the wet floor and soak my ass in my shorts, which wasn't a very pretty sight when I got up cuz it looked like I had gone and peed myself. Saad didn't do a bad job, considering it's his first public challenge. I'm happy for you my rabid monkey friend thing. Yeah so anyway, Gauravierre and I went cycling in the rain this morning and we ended up laughing at practically everyone and their various tents lined along the beach in the rain and took shelter under some make-shift tent-shelter-thing and watched a man trying to kill himself by touching some electric gas meter in the rain with his bare hands but yeah, I decided to cycle off before I witnessed any potentially traumatic event. So yeah! And we had Gelare so it wasn't so terrible. Just the rain and the fact that I had just washed my hair this/that/that morning. But whatever. It's 3.13 am, so once again, I refer to yesterday. So yeah, Sasha and Saher and Aranchu and I took all these random pics in the car and then we went to Jorden's and played GTA IV being the sad stereotyped people we are and then I read Archie comics and then we started throwing ice cubes at the flats opposite while I experienced vertigo from where we stood on the 10th floor (yes I am scared of heights). And now Aranya and I are playing i-sketch because Mafia on Facebook wouldn't work for me and yeah, so yeah.
I'm a wilderbeast. I hunt meat. for.
And I made Aranya watch the ''movie'' we starred in entitled ''Stop Over''. Yeah and got embarrassed of ourselves. But whatever. Such is life. And I've been dying to sing my version of ''Come Together''. Aranya and I did some strange renditions together. And I am sick of writing lyrics and almost never having tunes for them.

WHOO WHEE WHAA (This is where Christopher William Kolkman A.K.A Krisdohfuhh, gets turned on and shows Rabbit Teeth and does the Napoleon Dynamite dance like a wild Cheetah from a zoo in Zambia)

oh and aranchu berrykinosisen just showed me some very random funny weird site: http://www.trevorvanmeter.com/flyguy/flyGuy.swf

2008-06-06T18:30:00.004+08:00

BBQ

So all day I was trying to get just 2 or 3 people to come for my brother and his friends' barbeque and no one could make it in the end and then Marie phoned me and asked me to come because she apparently wanted to meet me and it turned out to be really fun. We played all sortsa random games I didn't know interested Uni students and my phone battery died on account of I talked to Thilanga on it for over an hour. Yes, I prefer talking on the phone to messaging. I hardly reply to people(most people who know me'd disagree at this point), I mostly call them up (Explains the phone-bill). So anyway, we played some drinking games, despite the fact that no one was having hard liquor and people STILL got confused. And Heart-Attack with some very messed up and hilarious rules and some games called 'oom oom chicky chicky' some bullet-and-gun game and 007 and monkey and some stuff. And we were all surprisingly alert despite it being the wee hours of the morning. I pity the sleeping couples in the tents near us. And I can finally, actually, rest now and not worry about having to mug last minute for my Scholastic APTITUDE Test (Yes you do need to study for it). But I've gone and lost 2 important things: My IC and a $250 cheque I got as payment from the office (yes 'GASP' here). But I guess since it's in my name and my account it's not too worrying and hopefully I'll find it in some nook or cranny. And I've seemingly terminated playing my fiddle for a while. I've been doing extensive book-searching and book-purchasing. I have bought over 15 books in this week. I am reading ''I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings'' by Maya Angelou, who happens to be my favourite poet (no, not because she is my namesake - well that is one tiny eensy bit of it) because I have been listening to her poetry since the time I was 3. Yes, unlike normal mothers, mine would read me adult Maya Angelou poems. Well of course she read me stories like any other little kid likes hearing but I seemed to like the poetry most (along with my mother's made-up Mimi Morningstar Adventures - and you didn't need to know that). Well I hope my brother and I can go for that all-expense-paid Sarawak trip. He'll be the photographer and I the writer. We have to do an article or something for the magazine. And I'm looking forward to July, when I get to finally go for the Montreux Jazz Festival to watch my aunt and cousin sing and play the drums(respectively). They live in the most awesome part of Switzerland, I swear. But no place is more interesting or stunning as where my Italian and very-mildly-mixed Indian relatives live in Pitigliano, Grosseto, Tuscany. I have relatives all over the randomest parts and I'm stuck in this boring country with too-much-humidity and almost-blatant-racism and over-cencorship-of-practically-everything. But it is clean and provides me with good food and a good home. But that is about all I am grateful to this country for. Along with the fact that I have met the most wonderful people. But on a whole, I'd rather be a nomad, breathing in unfamiliar scents constantly, feeling the bustle of unfamiliar city or town-life, tasting a thousand different foods, just being in a different ambience. I am sick of the uniformity of everything and I am sick of superficial people and their constant need to stay on top of everything, when no one really cares. There's this constant rush and this greed and insatiable hunger for blood. Everyone seems to know what they want and how to get it. And I honestly have yet to discover myself for who I really am. And no one else has been able to do that yet either, find out who I really am that is. I have big plans that I may not even fulfill. My mind is always floating with uncertainties and I like to let things unfold for themselves. I guess that's why I will possibly get nowhere in the the big money-and-blood-rush. I am a dreamer and a wanderer constantly delving deep into the most unimportant aspects of life. But despite what everyone says, I will make a horrid writer, if I ever do become one like they ''predict''. I would like to do medicine. But no one sees me doing it. Life is one big big big gamble and I just can't seem to play the cards right.

And back to the book I go.

OH and I finally got the dvd for the random movie for the 48-hour-film project that I was in for just the last scene. Lets see if it gets a nomination haha. Singapore Flyer

2008-06-05T00:13:00.005+08:00

BYE BABY

I've decided not to take the SAT this SATurday seeing as how I am pretty much unprepared. I shifted the testdate from June 7th to Oct 4th because by then at least I'll be more in touch with schoolwork. I'm still on my 3-month vacation. The only place I went to this entire time was a 4-day trip to Cambodia. Which was excellent minus the fact I got so ill the last two days I was an invalid. Now I've got this reading list to complete, not because I have have to, but because I have nothing else to do before school starts and I have theory to do and a lot of violin practicing. And SAT preparation (That's what I said two months ago). Anyway, I'm serious about eventually applying to the States so I'm not screwing up my SAT by taking it this Saturday. So I'm fine with my decision, despite the fact that the change-in-date fee is like, USD $15 and the woman who answered the phone and served me was definitely Texan (This has no link but it is an interesting part of this entry, yes?). But, whatever. I will reimburse my mother, eventually, like she expects me to. I need a new laptop. I really do.
Addy's going to Greece and leaving his nervous wreck of a girlfriend behind who will miss him each day and feel like it's been a month. The wonders of love. Baffles everyone, me included.
Have a great trip baby (and don't forget to bring me back a hunky Greek God. And don't you dare find a Greek woman, I hear they have too much bodily hair in the wrong places hahaha okay too much information). LOVE YOU TO BITS!

okay.

I need to pee now.

2008-05-31T21:06:00.003+08:00

RAIN AND PAIN

Today's Answer
Saturday, May 31
Correct!
Here's Why:
The archaeologist “never stayed at any one site long enough to get bored.” Her life can be described as “nomadic” or characterized by moving from place to place.
Difficulty: Medium
Question Type: Sentence Completions
(Critical Reading)

The archaeologist is me.

"Gimme Some Salt"

Sally hit the pavement
Wineglass in her hand
Sally's rearrangement
I'll never understand
But little did I wonder
(little did I try)
her little bit of thunder
her little bit of lightning
(lightning)

Sucka sucka MC
Sing my favorite song
Sing it for the dancing
Sing it for somber one
Curious velocity
Brought me to a halt
Flatten me my baby
Gimmie some salt
Gimme some salt, gimme gimme gimme (x2)

She was always asking
Where's the nearest bar?
Pedal on the gas kid
Getting playing hard hard
I was in the kitchen
Cooking up a shark
Sally's out preparing
Witty remarks
Witty remarks witty remarks witty witty witty (x2)

2008-05-30T01:04:00.002+08:00

PRETEND

i'd like one of them pretty masquerade masks
unique and exquisite
one of every colour
one for each season

but i can't afford them
they're too expensive and too exquisite
far too nice and far too glam
for my face that seems to be disintegrating

so i walk with the pulsing crowd
feeling part of it
but still afraid of it
of who i am

so i like to pretend
so i play with my mind
and other peoples' too
and it makes me happy

but just for a while
just for a while
it saves me time
it saves me time

but i really only want one of them pretty masquerade masks
no reflection of who i am from any glass
no inkling of where i might've come from
just me and my pretty mask

but i can't afford one
no i can't afford one
so i play pretend
i play pretend.

2008-05-26T00:40:00.004+08:00

PENSIVO

I was thinking today, rather hard actually. I emphasize on the hard because I haven't been doing much thinking and I've been frying neurons with radiation and not-thinking-ness and unintellectual conversations with the microwave (no this part's just a joke, yes cue for you to laugh-at-screen). I watched a bit of 'The Great Debators'.
I didn't do much today, but I am dog-tired.

Anyway, back to the thinking. I thought hard and a lot today, particularly while on the seat, doing a #1 (too much information? much?).

And I reached this conclusion.

All Humans Are Sourdough.

(P.S IT'S MONDAY 12.46 AM BUT I REFER TO SUNDAY)

2008-05-11T21:54:00.007+08:00

A DIRTY OLD HAG AT THE LAUNDROMAT

fucking old hag
she's got a kitten under her right armpit
but you don't listen cuz she's a cripple
and you put in yo' penny to start it up
but she's gone and you stare
at an empty spot that was once there
afraid to fill it
too afraid you'll kill it
like you did before
all over again
all over again

and the whistle blows
and you're young and sweating
and you're a nancy
a faggot twisting
in starched pants
and you recieve a blow
from whats-his-name jo
and they strip you naked
and you don't care
cuz it's happening
all over again
all over again

and a pistol sounds
a whistle blares
in your ear
you're going deaf
you're an old hag
an old hag
smoking a lit fag
and you're alone
all over again
all over again

raging war
bloody battles
clarion calls
silver pikes
medallions
oh is it over?
or is it still going on
your mama's not hugging you
maybe it's not over?
your head is bursting
all over again
all over again

cat's piss
smell of rotting bodies
a leaky faucet
a broken nose
a thousand arms
reaching out at you
bulbs flashing
too many voices
your head hurts
all over again
all over again

it's the end of the line
and you want to start over
and you're lying in the bed
a hospital
dirty old man
wheezing beside you
you pick up your crowbar
beat him
and he bleeds oh he bleeds
all over again
all over again

soft music
melancholic sounds
drifting through
someone's playing Paganini
oh how you love Paganini.
smells are wafting
wafting through the air
a baker's shop
your polished shoes
who are you now?
are you rich?
are you different?
is it finally happening?
''no you stupid fuck''
someone spits on your shoes
all over again
all over again

but now you drift
you're a frivolous youth
stuck in what feels like
the mundane school-life
but you're alone
and away from chatter
it's peaceful
but far too dreamy to be solid
you're sated
and you float
where are you now?
who are you?
i don't care
i don't care
because it's not happening anymore.

all over again.
no more.

[Maya's random insight of the day: I wish I could play the violin half as well as Tianwa Yeung or Ga Yeon Lee. I really could've if i had taken the violin seriously. I don't know what it is with it or me]

[OH AND I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT IN THE MAY ISSUE OF 'INDIA SE' IN THE TAROT CARD PREDICTION PAGE, I AM MIRA FROM DUBAI AND LAVANYA HAS 3 PERSONAS - LATIKA, ANITA AND VIMAL FROM SINGAPORE, DUBAI AND HONG KONG. AND SIDD R IS SHIV MURTHY FROM KL. AND LAURENCE FACUN FROM CANADA IS LENNOX FROM SINGAPORE. AND JECIL IS J. AND ADDY IS A. HAHAHA]

2008-05-10T01:35:00.006+08:00

NO?

So it was a bright sunny day and I bump into 'The Overly Metrosexual Male'.

"Are you semi-gay?"

"Me? Why no, I'm not, what makes you say that?"

"Oh nothing. (The handbag and the MAC Make-up, one would think). So are you?"

"Am I what?"

"Semi-gay.."

"No but I'm a Demi-God and I like Ville Valo"

"...eww..." - *Momentary Silence*

"Oh look, Ice-Cream Man!" - *Runs Off Daintily*

HAHA. You're not SUPPOSED to get it. This is when I am psychotically 'artistic' and decide to play mind-games on everyone. There was a ''Diarhhoea" song I once knew, if only I could remember it.

Pssshawww. Lenny Kravitz smells like...turpentine.

- QUOTE: ''Sid-d....."Nah my bru'........" says:
i'd beat myself to death with my own genitals before i'd do that..''

Sid-d....."Nah my bru'........" says:
and thats not a very welcoming thought ... - (on smelling Lenny K).

Oh and Sidd R (not my brother) decided that the semi-literate Tarot-Card Reader Woman who predicted our future is a bogus scheming money-maker (not that they all aren't).

We reached this verdict:

Sid-d....."Nah my bru'........" says:
haha i've become even more skint broke since that prediction...
Sid-d....."Nah my bru'........" says:
i think she was on prozac
Maya Papaya Banana: Chrissy Pissy! says:
LMAO. i think you asked 'in the future'
Maya: Recommends 'Monkey Dust' and 'Robot Chicken' to the world :) says:
she's probably got bi-polar disorder
Maya: Recommends 'Monkey Dust' and 'Robot Chicken' to the world :) says:
and predicts stuff while on her prozac-high

SO YAY. you now have our intellectual insights. it IS 2.30am. So off I go beneath the duvet into my silky? land of slumber.

2008-05-05T00:19:00.003+08:00

FRIENDS

Yesterday's Goa Night was awesome, today's 'reunion' get-together-outing was awesome, and all because of my friends. Just knowing you have a bunch of close friends who're gonna be there with you forever, no matter which course of life we decide to follow or what decisions we make, makes such a great difference. We may be tributaries heading to join different seas or oceans, but we know we all have one thing in common, each other. I can't ever regret the fact that I went to GMSS, because I feel closer to them than I ever have felt to my friends at GIIS (minus Saad & Neha of course) and just knowing that we're close is what keeps us together. Even though I left GM in sec 3, I'm still as close to my friends there, almost as if I had never left. They're my family out of family.

I LOVE YOU GUYS FOREVER.
Magdalene
Adeline
Hang
Jonathan
YC
<3

AND Since Saad was there today, him too =)

And Addy and Neha.

Haha I feel so happy finally after what seems like a billion years today and even if this sounds corny to anyone, I am proud of it =)

2008-05-02T20:03:00.003+08:00

SUMMER SUNSHINE

In the heat of summer sunshine
I miss you like nobody else
In the heat of summer sunshine
I kiss you, and nobody needs to know

I'm getting better! (minus the chesty cough) - so YAY-nanza (you know, like BOnanza).

I have been doing good deeds. Soon people'll call me Mother Theresa II.

-yeah, the medicines've gone to her head.
anyhoots, run along i shall to read Bear and Johnny The Homicidal Maniac comics in the comfort of the corner of the room under the dim light while eating a rotten candy apple =D

meehee.

2008-05-01T11:27:00.005+08:00

CAMPUCHIA

So returned I have to Singapore from Cambodia and I must say, Siem Riep is a place of wonders. Angkor Wat is Breath-taking, Bayon is Stunning and Angkor Thom and Banteay Srey are beautiful (Not to mention the Aromatherapy and Swedish massages I had). We walked so much and saw so much in those 4 days and then the day before we leave for Phnom Penh and the day I am looking forward to seeing the killing fields, I fall ill. So I stay in the hotel room in Phnom Penh. And I couldn't go to the Russian Market cuz I was dropped back at the hotel after lunch at 'the Foreign Correspondance Club' - I couldn't even TASTE my wood-fired pizza >(. Anyway then that night at around 11 my mum got all scared because she finally realised i was literally on fire and she called for an in-hotel doctor to come and he came around 40 minutes later and tested for dengue, cleared that and checked and said i had acute pharyngitis and a 41 degree fever so he injected me SLOWLY with 4 different Anti-Something's and within half an hour i began perspiring and my thumping headache subsided. the next day i felt much better but while landing i nearly died due to air pressure building up in my ears that hurt on account of my throat being infected. i am getting better now but i still feel all weak. but yeah yesterday was nice because someone came over with a bit of brownie and a mini plush monkey and himself to make my day. and to meet abby and kusho of course. but mostly me of course. of course.

I want my left ear to pop already!
Bah!

2008-04-21T16:46:00.002+08:00

I AM THE WALRUS

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together.
See how they run like pigs from a gun, see how they fly.
I'm crying.

Sitting on a cornflake, waiting for the van to come.
Corporation tee-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday.
MAN, you been a naughty boy, you let your face grow long.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob

Mister City P'liceman sitting
Pretty little policemen in a row.
See how they fly like Lucy in the Sky, see how they run.
I'm crying.
I'm cry------------ing, I'm crying.

Yellow matter custard, dripping from a dead dog's eye.
Crabalocker fishwife, pornographic priestess,
Boy, you been a naughty girl and you let your Knickers down.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob.

Sitting in an English garden waiting for the sun.
If the sun don't come, you get a tan from
Standing in the English rain.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob.

Expert texpert choking smokers,
Don't you think the joker laughs at you? (ho ho ho, he he he, ha ha ha)
See how they smile like pigs in a sty, see how they snide.
I'm crying.

Semolina Pilchard, climbing up the Eiffel Tower.
Elementary penguin singing Hare Krishna.
Man, you should have seen them kicking Edgar Allan Poe.
I am the eggman, they are the eggmen, I am the walrus,
goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob, goo goo g'joob, goo goo goo g'joob, goo goo
(rhythmical speaking along with juba's).
Juba juba juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba, juba juba. Juba juba.....
(speaking)

--Repeat (eventually juba's will stop) and fade until end.--
during the fade out background vocals:
[Simultaneously:] 'Everybody smokes pot' and 'Oompa, oompa, stick it up your joompa' [jumper]

So now I've decided I might as well convert my blog to a lyrics blog that no one reads but I shall do it anyway because it gives my mind some sort of strange calm.
And even if everything goes wrong, I still have this, and even one day when I'm not such a Spiffing Muffin, I have my song & lyric blog.

So I guess I'll be going to India for a nice long time this Friday, so everything that's been clouding my mind and bothering me can be avoided. I am going with my father or alone. I am not sure yet, but going I am. I'm not even sure if it's Goa, Bombay or Calcutta I'm going to. But I don't care. I'm going. So yeah. Who ever thought India could be my solace when I'm going alone? Well, I AM full of surprises. Not that anyone cares.

Haha. Why'm I such a lewzahhh.

2008-04-17T22:35:00.001+08:00

........

i'm done crying.

(yes maya, stop being so fucken sensitive)

2008-04-10T10:11:00.003+08:00

MAYA IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS

So life's been okay. My entrance exam to UWC is on Monday and I am not really worried about it but at the same time I am. I really want this. I can't stand the thought of staying in my own school for another 2 years, even if the year flies by. Last night after a depressing day I rented 'Across The Universe' and watched that till it was time to leave for my 'basic mandarin' class, which I decided to join because mandarin is useful and I wanted to brush up on it and because I wanted something to do on the side of this bloody internship so anyway I went for the class (I DO have some mandarin background cuz i learnt it in primary school) which was from 7pm-9pm and it was quite good actually. Then took the train home and I was tired but I 'NEEDED' to finish watching 'Across The Universe' because its just the kind of thing I like. Artistic and different. And all the songs were by 'The Beatles' which made it all the more enjoyable. It was rather morbid but I thought the acting and the singing was fantastic. Very good watch. I could see it again, really.

AND NOW.
SING IT.

LUCY IN THE SKY WITH DIAMONDS - THE BEATLES

Picture yourself in a boat on a river,
With tangerine trees and marmalade skies
Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly,
A girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.

{REFRAIN}
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Lucy in the sky with diamonds
Ah... Ah...

{VERSE 2}
Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain
Where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies,
Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers,
That grow so incredibly high.
Newspaper taxis appear on the shore,
Waiting to take you away.
Climb in the back with your head in the clouds,
And you're gone.

{REFRAIN}

Picture yourself on a train in a station,
With plasticine porters with looking glass ties,
Suddenly someone is there at the turnstile,
The girl with kaleidoscope eyes.

{REFRAIN REPEATED AND FADED}

2008-04-03T15:07:00.002+08:00

HOLIDAYS + INTERNSHIP

SO, I've been working at my mother's office since 01 April 2008, yes, April Fools' Day. I initially wanted to apply to some clinic for a part-time assistant's job but then i figured I'd probably never get the job because they prefer 'Bilingual' applicants who speak both Mandarin & English (I'm sure they meant mostly Mandarin, but whatever), so yeah, I gave up that idea. And my mum said her office was short of work-hands and they needed interns so I've been put into the 'Marketing & Sales' Department and I'm working under Roopali and I have to make calls to advertisers, to hotels, set up appointments, type out databases, arrange name-cards - i feel almost like a machine. Also, I now truly understand what it feels like to be a 'working woman'. Soo.. my 'Internship Contract' (which I have signed) states that I have a work period of THREE months and I get paid $250 per month which = a pittance to most and to me too and that's why I argued with my mum but then I decided it wasn't so bad considering I'm only an intern and even the university interns got paid as much and they loved working here and I figured my mum deserved the help and seeing as how it is my mother's business, I should be all supportive and sporting. So right now, I'm doing just that (well, trying my level best to). Yesterday Roopali and I went for some 'scam' meeting at AsiaLink. It was actually quite funny. Like she said, "You meet all sorts of cartoons in this world". Tell me about it.
Anyhow, i just got my 'indiase' account made and now I have to start mailing intros and stuff to said advertisers and hotels. Also, I've got 2 appointments on monday. IN THE MORNING. sigh.

I guess this is how it is supposed to be.

So, yeah.
There go the holidays!

xx
Maya

2008-03-26T00:51:00.007+08:00

MY DAY, STEP-BY-STEP:

well today was a good day. a good good day. i don't think i've been able to say any day's been good for a long long time. and today i say it with utmost confidence. today was smashing, spiffing, wonderful. the exam went rather well (i hope so anyway) and then since i only have mcq questions left, i decided to go out today with saad and berry (NOT YOUR BERRY ENN). Addy came too and we had a little time together then we all ate subway's and pallavi came too, then a bus to cine, which was quite boring cuz it was too late for berry to watch a movie so i just ended up buying 2 double-choc cookies for them and debating about whether to play lan or go to the ktv lounge or watch a movie. we ended up...taking neoprints! then aranya had to leave which was kinda depressing, so saad and i walked to takashimaya and i went to the art section and saw a book on Faerie Art which i so want and then i ditched saad and sat myself down at the poetry section and read through E.E Cummings (whom i happen to idolise) and Emily Dickinson. I have yet to read Sybil and bless mag cuz she's lending it to me. (I knew she was the one who had it).
So thennnnn we went to Orange Julius's and had Orange Smoothies and i killed my ulcer even more and i went to look for lip glosses and foundation (not that i care about make up) for fun and saad started trying on eyeshadows. the people at the respective counters were looking at me like i was some poor 'make-up-loving, style-seeking' wannabe. but i spoke well so maybe they changed their minds. they cake their faces with make up and they still look bad.
To me : "Here Miss, THIS foundation should do the trick! It's the darkest one we have!"
Me: "What do I look like to you, charcoal?"
Seriously, anyone who's a SHADE darker than most is considered the Dead Sea.
GODDD.
Anyway I was so tired by the time it was 9 and then saad took forever in the loo doing a #2 so i had to wait and get 'nasty' looks from some stupid woman who thought i was trying to act like i had enough money to buy 'lancome' make-up. and i felt like saying out loud that i do and that i probably have more money than she pretends to earn every month but i know better.
I feel like such a semi-bitch today (ask me what that means, i won't tell you).
BUT. The exams are almost over! JUST MC-FUCKING-Q'S LEFT.
AFTER THAT, I WILL PRETEND STUDIES, SCHOOL AND EXAMS NEVER EXISTED AND DO NOT, EXIST.

AND. for those of you who CARE. its been 2 years and 1 month or 25 months, whichever you prefer.. yes wish me. it was the 24th.

-cause my feelings are more important than yours. oooh

2008-03-16T16:29:00.006+08:00

LE WEEKEND

So the weekend has been tiring. but that's my fault because i have had plenty of time to rest but have been wasting it on things like staying up till 5 and 7 am and sleeping 4 hours for the past two days! After the english exam i went with saad to Parkway and we ate fish and chips (at long john's cuz we're too poor to afford fish and co.) and bought manga after what has felt like a gazillion years. i bought 'blood +'. Then on Saturday I went out to watch a movie with adel aranya and addy (mag was SUPPOSED to come but had to 'study') and, well, it wasn't very great (spiderwick chronicles - choice courtesy of Aranya Berry) haha joke. It was okay. nothing to scream about. then we went to e2max and just cs-ed and more like messed around then headed home, i nearly lost my phone at cine (I left it at E2Max and Ranz found it, love her to bits for that), nearly fell asleep thrice and then when we got home we had guests. till 11. then Fredric took me for a ride on his bike for 40 minutes and it was amazing! he took me to the runway and we drove past it and it was like this whole rush through my body and it felt good, i think i really really needed the fresh air. finally. anyhow, the exams have been alright (At least I hope). i haven't been studying for them as hard as i should've been/should be. i don't really know why. but anyway, i have been isketching so much now. you should try, its way addictive. http://isketch.net
it's really Laurence Facun's fault that i even started playing it. Aranya and I were up all night playing it.
dammmmnn.
I need to start bio soon. Everyone's gone out again and now i'm alone and saad's here again because he wants to play PS2 or something and study. but more of the playing ps2. here i sit blogging because for whoever reads it, its been a little while (a few days) since i last did. i'll need a lotta sleep after this. and lots and lots of water. mmm. detox.

i don't feel sane anymore.

sleep comes easy when you're feeling all queasy.

n' breezy.

2008-03-07T20:54:00.005+08:00

(MISS PASCALE'S REACTION UPON HEARING SOME RADICAL STORY OF SAAD'S) (note the ray bans)ALL GREAT THINGS START AND END WITH THE LETTER A

So today was great. Really great. It didn't start off that well because of my strange mood-swings but it turned out just great. And it turned out missing incubus wasn't that big a deal after all. because of this day and because the line-up wasn't so great (well actually its still going on right now. should be ending soon). no 'a certain shade of green', or 'rogues', or 'oil & water' or 'drive'. i dunno if they played megalomaniac but still. i don't feel all that bad about it. hahaha they had SAOSIN open for them. hahahahaha. eww.

If only the days lived

Were those I'd preordained

If only the stars'd come out

Whenever we wanted them to

So in this world that never sleeps

We'd make it as surreal

As our hearts desired

And we'd clutch each other

Searching out one another's souls

In near-blinding light

That seems to emit from us

And the cold'd seem like

Endless warmth in each other's arms

And we'll be two people

But one soul.

So Saad's here and he is frolicking in love-land with his girlfriend on the phone =]

OOOH.

I LOVE ADITYA <3

2008-03-06T11:25:00.006+08:00

OH HOW I WISH

Oh how I wish you knew
Every time the sky turned blue
That I'm not okay again
And It's your turn to clean the loo.

Oh how I wish on a winter's day
A Snow-Storm'll up and take you away
Cos' there's that thin line
Between those lies and come-what-may.

But you just never see it
Though its always right in front of you
And I hate every little bit
Of all i get, that bunch o' shit

And I hope that by the end
You'll be there to hold me
Even if it is pretend
I'd feel you were a Godsend

Now i sit and realise
That maybe that's not what i need
Maybe love's a disguise
Maybe it leads to our demise

I need a friend
Not you 'cos you won't do
I need one with a ear and hand to lend
This "broken-heart" to help mend

'Cos you just won't do
With your perfect life
You don't have a clue
It's what i'm used to

And you sit elated
Thinking you've cheered me up
But the genuinity of your concern came belated
Hasn't left me sated

I wish you knew how much I want
A bond that's more than the candy-coating
I wish you knew how my wish to grant
Or this feeling'll become like a chant

-i shan't say more.

2008-03-05T23:48:00.002+08:00

YAY!

OMG. haha so i FINALLY found my long-lost friend, Sophie Grainger! on FACEBOOK! Yes i love that site i tell you. it re-connects me with all the people who constitute a very important part of my childhood. and gosh, i am happy because its been what? 6 OR 7 YEARS?! what a good way to end the tiring day.

=]]

2008-03-05T10:31:00.002+08:00

UN-HIJACKED POST

नेहा = हय्जक्कर। हाहाहा।
నేహ ఈజ్ అ హిజకెర్.
The swiggly stuff above, for those of you who don't know, are hindi and telegu. not that i know telegu. its just fun to type nonsense. the hindi one reads (neha = hijacker. hahaha)

i know i am so cool.

YES THE POST BELOW THIS ONE IS NEHA'S.

retarded woman.

its about her being a nose-picking terrorist.

SO. i have my french exam in 2 and a half hours and i have to be in school an hour before (dunno why) and so now i am praying i am french-ified enough because this is possibly the last french exam i will ever want to do and possibly the last important french exam i'll ever have to do.
my brain now feels a little like fuzz but it'll pass. like the saying goes, 'once there's fuzz in the brain, it stays not for long.' -->actually i made that up, so. yeah.

as you may have noticed, my blog is like a de-stresser for me. i don't blog about problems or crap that people should keep in diaries or only tell people they trust. i blog about things that de-stress me and probably de-stress you, seeing as how i am very much the comedian.

well i miss aditya a lot and after this exam there will be no one and nothing else on my mind.

now i have to go into french-mode. so!

just for the sake of it, here:

PRETTY GIRLS MAKE GRAVES LYRICS

"Parade"

Been meeting in the back room
Been gathering in the parking lot
Been talking in the break room
Of what we are doing with what we've got
Been meeting on the front lawn
Been gathering in the parking lot
Been talking in the break room
Of labour and unrest and eyeing the clock
Are you okay with what you've got?

We're throwing down our push brooms
We're hanging up our apron ties
We're coming from the back roads
Out of the fields and the factory lines
Mutiny!

We're throwing down our push brooms
We're hanging up our apron ties
We're coming from the back roads
Out of the fields and the factory lines
Tell your brother and your sister
Tell your auntie and your uncle too
Tell your mother and your father
Your friends and your cousins and we need you
Strike!

We're throwing down our push brooms
We're hanging up our apron ties
We've walked so far
But we can walk all night

We're marching from the shipyards
We're marching from the hospitals
We'll take it to the town hall
We'll take it to the capitol
Tell your brother and your sister
Tell your auntie and your uncle too
Tell your mother and your father
Your friends and your cousins and we need you
Strike!
Strike!

We're throwing down our push brooms
We're hanging up our apron ties
We've walked so far
But we can walk all night
We're coming from the back roads
Out of the fields and the factory lines

AND NOW. ALL I HAVE TO SAY TO MYSELF IS.
Bonne Chance à moi et j'espere que j'obtiens des bonne notes!

Au Revoir!

2008-03-04T17:20:00.000+08:00

AHAHAHA. I SALL BHEE THERRORHIST AND HIZHACK YOUR BHLOGG AND THEN I SALL PICK माय ओवन नोज़।

♥ LURBB,
हिन्दी में ब्लाग करने वाली टेररिस्ट (:

2008-03-04T14:29:00.001+08:00

BUTTERFLIES IN TUMMY

so since i've got this new skin, i realised i should stop blogging in light pink considering that colour now camouflages with the background. i know its weird but i don't care. i was never known to be artistic. if i was asked to draw a picture right now, i'd draw you a rag doll. that'd probably look like a cylinder, with straw hair and stick feet.
tomorrow's the blessed french exam.

can you BELIEVE it. since i have tuition with my french teacher (who is incidently, french) and since i now live in this big thing in the middle of nowhere to most of my friends, she's coming at 6 and STAYING the night.

yes well, yes. so its super-powered-5-hour-french-day.
i know i know, you're all probably thinking at this time "man i wish my life was half as eventful and/or exciting as Maya's is" but you can save the sarcasm for desert. yes, desert, cuz that is the most nutritious meal of the day in my books. (i have written five incidently).

oh and i am pandan kerpis on spi.com.sg because its so much fun. i don't even know what that means, lets hope it isn't some strange dish or swearword.

and for some reason i am hooked on kimya dawson songs. her songs are like the lyrics i write, minus the tunes. well i usually do have tunes but i just hum em' on the spot then i forget them. and i don't bother trying them out on my violin cuz my lyrics about being red and hiding in boxes till dawn don't really go together. its like putting the 'braidy bunch' in 'the oc'. in a very weird way.

yeah well, i should get back to work if i want an inkling of 80.

and then i can finally buy 10 Carls' Junior meals and lie in bed eating them pretending i'm getting fit by watching exercise videos. cuz i am so worth that.

juno soundtrack = love

2008-02-23T20:49:00.002+08:00

i absolutely LOVE the juno soundtrack!

this is the opening theme song or whatever.

All I want is you - Barry Louis Polisar:

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I'd want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and greeen
All I'd want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I'd be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, let the cold winds blow

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I'd be a nod
If you were a seed, well I'd be a pod.
If you were the floor, I'd wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I'd be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I'd be the fire.
If you were the love, I'd be the desire.
If you were a castle, I'd be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I'd learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

anyone else

2008-02-22T18:39:00.001+08:00

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I will find my nitch in your car
With my mp3 DVD rumple-packed guitar
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du

Up up down down left right left right B A start
Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
You want more fans, I want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Don Quixote was a steel driving man
My name is Adam I'm your biggest fan
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu
Du du du du du du dudu du
But you

2008-02-19T20:13:00.002+08:00

ONCE UPON A TIME

its sorta sad to know that one time in your life, you were something, not just to someone but to many people. like were really a someone. but whatever you were started fading into oblivion and you ended up feeling like a blimp and then you start this whole self-degradation process but you know no one's listening save a few kind souls. sometimes i feel this part of me has been ripped out and deleted and rewritten (yes like sia's lyrics say). like that bit has been re-programmed and when you finally realise and its too late, you want that missing piece back desperately. you want to know that a part of what you were has been retained. its like a song that goes on and on in the same monotonous tone but then someone rips out a verse and it has a whole new indecipherable meaning. and then you decide not to care anymore, cuz that's what's best and its probably the more loser-ish thing to do. and then you don't know what its about anymore and it falls into one of the dusty crevices of your mind. oh how a bleeding female orifice can alter the thinking process so much. board exams are 10 or 11 days away. i feel confident yet not. i don't know what i feel really. possibly i am bonkers.

"i don't need no bible thumpers
i don't need no prophecies told,
i just need a warm embrace
and somebody, somebody to hold"

OH. this reminds me of a very pretty poem i read by Alfred Lord Tennyson. What a man.

"Tears, Idle Tears..."

Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
Tears from the depth of some divine despair
Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
And thinking of the days that are no more.

Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
That brings our friends up from the underworld,
Sad as the last which reddens over one
That sinks with all we love below the verge;
So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

Dear as remembered kisses after death,
And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
On lips that are for others; deep as love,
Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
O Death in Life, the days that are no more.'

so bundle me up in a fist of fury and chuck me out like i were madam curie. - whatever that is supposed to mean.

yours fiddly-diddley-ish-ly,

maayor (mister er could never pronounce my simple 2-syllabled 4-LETTER-WORDED NAME)

amen

reasons

2008-02-09T12:11:00.001+08:00

Reasons

everyone says i have reasons for everything. when it comes to relationships, results, my behaviour, i have reasons. a whole novel's-worth full of them. reasons to why i look bad, reasons for why i'm mean sometimes, why i hate so much sometimes and reasons why i love. but in the end, i can never really justify what i am.
but to make this more comprehensible, i have decided to list the reasons as to why i don't blog anymore.

a) it is quite a waste of time, considering nearly nobody reads it
b) possibly nobody reads it
c) i'd rather not publish my private inner-life stories on the net for sorry asses like myself to read and criticize
d) i don't think i have a real reason to blog
e) my life is un-blog-able about.
f) i like milk candies.

okay so point f wasn't really a point at all but still important.

like flight of the conchords. who are my idols. for some warped reason, yes.

i know that i have to take many risks in love, but i love it all the same. i wouldn't trade my love for anything in the world.

sometimes though, i have this overwhelming urge to oush everything aside and just run. even if my lungs felt like exploding, i'd just run. sometimes i feel like running so far to a place i'd possibly find solace, but then again. the only solace i find is in his arms.

do you feel the love?

SIA - REWRITE:

You don't know me
You can't hold me
I'll slip through your hands
I am one single grain of sand

You are free to love
Happily received
You are free to love
If that is all you need

I'm an empty space
I can't be replaced
So when you're finished
with this dream
Delete begin to rewrite me
You are free to love
Happily received
You are free to love
If that is all you need

You are free to love
Happily received
You are free to love
If that is all you need

You are free to love
Happily received
You are free to love
Delete and rewrite me

Time After Time

2007-11-06T20:35:00.000+08:00

Time After Time Lyrics » Cindy Lauper

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion
-Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights
-Almost left behind
Suitcases of memories,
Time after -Sometimes you picture me
-I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
-Then you say - go slow
-I fall behind
-The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look
- and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you
- I'll be waiting
Time after time

After my picture fades
and darkness has Turned to gray
Watching through windows
- you're wonderingIf I'm OK
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time

-Chorus:
If you're lost...
You said go slow
-I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

-Chorus:
If you're lost......
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

[i mean it.] [ooh and i wanna learn the acoustic version of this song once i learn the guitar. and i'll sing to it and play the song. one day maya, one day]

my battlefield of love

2007-10-16T00:40:00.001+08:00

My Battlefield Of Love

i am in love.
that's true. but i do know someone else to loves me too whom i don't love in the same way but one i love a lot all the same. i can't do anything about that though. unfortunately. i wish the person'd find someone else. there are many fish in the sea. and i'm just like any other. i love you, you. its like a war between my mind and my heart. my battlefield of love. where nothing ever really triumphs.

random

2007-10-15T02:07:00.000+08:00

felt like blogging in red.
haha. red like the colour of my face on account of i rubbed it too much to keep myself awake.
hahaha. yes.

anyway. i've been trying to complete my homework. and i am doing it in the most lackadaisical manner. i should've been done long ago but hadn't it been for my addiction to my laptop, i would've been done at a more decent hour, not 2.08 am. i have school tomorrow. gah. and i still have some work to complete. i've finished what's due tomorrow but i have a lot due tuesday so i'm starting now to lighten to load. and i am going to regret this when i wake tomorrow wishing i could go back to sleep. pahhhh.

anyway. UN night was fun, the next day wasn't, it was boring. i skipped the test on saturday on account of i wasn't well. had a doctor's appointment. and i felt lazy. and i wasn't done studying hahaha. anyhow. went for nakul's movie thing at night. mr woodcock. shit movie. hahaha. we were s'posed to watch resident evil but since the darn lady at the counter was making such a fuss cuz we didn't have our ids, we went for woodcock instead. it was gay. stupid. waste of money (nakul's money anyway). reached home at 10 plus. facebooked and then jorden took over my laptop for his turn of facebooking and then i went to my mum's room to use the phone and i fell asleep there and i woke past noon and then hadda rush to get ready to see some houses. got back at 7. started homework at 9. haha. and i was lazing around in between. grrr. i keep promising myself i'll start a proper study routine but right now my priorities are messed and i don't even know what i want from anything anymore. lets hope these feelings pass and i get my head sorted. i need to. mocks are less than a month awayy

i can't wait till thurs.. have thurs, fri, sat, sun, mon off thanks to Global Harmony Day. =] yippee. but i'll be spending most of it studying(as if), but whatever. hahaha.

yes. yes. i am watching lizard (heroes episode 2) and once this is over, i shall turn in for the night. yes indeed. hoorah.

pfffft. my head hurts.

shmuff

2007-10-10T00:51:00.001+08:00

Shmuff

for the past few days, i've been feeling like my mind is laughing at me.
i've lost a friend. sorta. anyway. i swear i could hear the voice of that guy who died. i was talking to him. i told him it was a shame he had to die and even though i didn't know him, i respected him and he said things back. maybe its the onset of brain tumour. haha. i can't even laugh about that joke anymore. it was cathy's and mine. now it's just mine. i am so dramatic. no one's gonna read this and there, my mind's laughing at me again. maybe i should just toss a coin in the fountain and wish as hard as i can cuz i'm all outta luck. i'm outta it. totally. got hit on the head by a bottle. sometimes a little internal bleeding would be nice. away from all this. my hearing needs enhancement. i am talking gibberish. this guy from thimun thinks i'm cute. haha. i am laughing at myself.. *mind joins in*.

i shall call you gabriel.

yes you. shmuck.

one of them sia moods again

2007-10-04T00:32:00.001+08:00

One of Them Sia Moods Again

"Sober And Unkissed"

Like a new winter's coat
I'm wearing your last embrace
Like a cold quenching glass of water
I hold a clear picture of your face

When are you coming around
Oh when are you coming around
Cos soon I'll be cold and thirsty

I'm hearing your last telephone call
Ringing louder and clearer than
The rest
I hear your invitation to see it all
Better written I am smitten no
Protest

So when are you coming around
Oh when are you coming around
Cos soon I'll be bored and lonely

I'm tasting the last glass of yor wine
The sweet taste linger left on lips
I'm tasting your sweet kisses with mine
The sweet taste lingers left on lips

So when are you coming around
Oh when are you coming around
Cos soon I'll be sober and unkissed.

stoopid me

2007-10-01T22:56:00.000+08:00

it started out as a joke,
and it still is one.. but yeah. the totally wrong kinda joke. i was just tricking for fun cuz he tricked neha. so yeah. stupid idea. now its kinda weird.
cuz now he likes me. and i am playing along. till he fully believes. then i shall burst the bubble.
i am that bored.

kill me someone.

i need sleep.

it wont come.

ah fuckit

the back-up buddy

2007-07-07T02:49:00.001+08:00

we had the same lame dreams

same mundane ambitions

with doctor kens

and hairdresser barbies

and the leprosy-struck-maid

was always frowned upon

we'd stuff a cork in her mouth

tie her to her chair

stuff her mouth with pantyhouse

pull her hair, starve her

and we'd be mean to the kids

with learning disabilities

stuffing their shoes with stones

outside the playhouse

kicking dust in their faces

laughing at their bleeding noses,

skinny-dipping in the sea

eating ice-creams knee-to-knee

mischievous games we devised

made our parents scream

their lungs out.

then we started getting curious

about kissing and love-making

and staying up late nights

talking about boys.

barbies were forgotten,

frocks were thrown away,

left to be eaten by moths

who lived in the closets

fears of the boogey-man

disappeared too quick

and our belief in santa too.

but we remained forever

holding on tight

making a pact

making all sorts of promises

deep into the night.

sleeping side by side

smiling, loving it all,

believing it all.

and then we reach teenhood

and conversations evolve

from snogging to condoms

from future plans to current parties

and a ghost posseses you

and you decide to drop your kiddy friend

and all the dill-hole plans you made with her

and you call her naive

because she embarrasses you

and you become all independent

and your and her joint plans in the past

become your personal plans

and thoughts of sharing an apartment

only with the cutest guy in the class

and you go out into the world

take advantage of your new-found assets

that bulge out from your tiny top

with your make-up and push-up bra in tow

clubs and boys and making noise become

an obsession, an insatiable craving

that you have to fulfill.

and one day if you fall into trouble

that you feel you can't handle

you'll search for answers in the back of your head

and come up with your buddy from the past,

your old best friend.

cuz you know you'll be alright

cuz you have your back-up buddy

to help you through it

so you'll feel better

and well enough........

to be a bitch again.

yours truly,

your back-up buddy, always waiting in the sidelines.