Sunday, 31 August 2008

Butchered By Sanity

A warm bosom, is what you crave,
Not your mother's, she despised you,
Your fantasy for delicate virginal female,
A depraved childhood leaves you no choice,
Stranded in the silent cacophony,
The only music in your head.

What you once sought is now an image,
That is slowly disappearing,
Behind your mind's eye,
Shut out from the world as you might be,
A monster you have become from within.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me.

Spearing the world with your words,
That seem to fall on untrodden path,
Disappearing in the whispers of the wind,
Where nothing and no one bother to go,
Fallen from Grace you have indeed.

Your ties, severed with your mind,
And Insanity plays no fault,
It's sanity that has butchered you,
Cut you up, chewed you up and spat you out
Leaving nothing but pieces of what once was.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me.

You can't see beyond the reaches of yourself,
Consumed by devilish cravings,
You've torn down the barriers,
Between what you tried to maintain, and me,
And you've torn me...torn me up beyond reprieve.

No self-redemption is worth trying for,
You know what you are (an empty soul) and
What you were is no more,
Tossed about by blatant lies,
You've torn me up...torn me up inside.

You once revered me,
You once sought me,
You once exalted me,
And now... Now you Castigate me
With hands, with hands so bloody.

xx
-M Pap-

because oxygen is a drug
20:39

Sunday, 24 August 2008

The Human Psyche

So today, instead of revising for my monthlies, I decided to watch this documentary on the Crime and Investigation channel (which happens to be my favourite channel for some inexplicable reason - Forensic Science and stories about Psychopaths/Serial Killers have always interested me) on Cannabalism on the programme 'Unexplained'. It talked about the origins of it and how the human psyche could drive a desperate starving human being to consume another human being if nothing else is available for consumption. Also, it talked about how some colloquial terms we use to describe the cuteness of a baby like "That baby is so cute I could eat it all up" is a minor reflection of Cannabalistic urges/cravings. Like how we grit our teeth when we get angry at someone and say, "I wanna cut him up, grind his bones chew him up and spit him out" or find something ultra cute and go, "Omg" - grit grit. It is actually rather freaky when you think about it like that. And yet, it is true and an undeniable fact. Despite how much we may appall the entire prospect of having to eat another human being, we will, most likely commit such a heinous act in a dire circumstance - survival. So we are not as highly-evolved as we claim. Most of the world still eats meat daily. It is still a savage act no matter which way it is put (And I am no saint in this matter either). The most disturbing example of a Cannibal Serial Killer given in the show was that of Andrei Romanovich Chikatilo - A possibly bi-sexual serial killer from the former USSR who killed and consumed various body parts, namely the female uterus, of his victims - 52 girls, boys and women - He described the uterus as pink and springy (Hence we can deduce that his victims were mainly female). He was executed in 1994 by means of a gunshot to the head. Oh well, hopefully we never have to be in such an instance where we are faced with having to consume each other for survival. It is just a despicable thought. With the benefit of hindsight however, it is notable that human beings have been carrying out this act for many centuries for various things - Human sacrifice, Survival or be it plain weird urges. So it is actually part and parcel of our entire existence as Homosapiens, which makes it rather unavoidable. And we are very curious about this topic, despite it appalling us.
Okay, on another less gruesome note.....
I have been studying for my upcoming SAT on October the 4th and trying to complete last-minute homework. I still have to study Biology and I'm recovering from this minor fever/flu thing i contracted during the night.
I went to watch Addy and his band Polarix's finals yesterday at 'The Arena'(which I can't stand because the lighting is just terrible) and they were awesome so nobody cares that they came second cuz they were just about the awesomest. And I'm just proud to have such a cool boyfriend. Possibly because I am not half as cool and possibly because I can one day become rich and famous alongside him (thanks to him more like). Haha, okay to be honest, I have no intention of becoming famous but rich is always an attractive option. I am still not sure if i want to apply to the UK to study A100 Medicine or Dentistry or Veterinary Medicine. I am not even sure if I am cut out to become anything medical. I shall keep working though and keep my fingers crossed. I hope everything works out for me in these next two absolutely strenuous years. So yeah, after the band thinga I had to go to the National Library with Raunak, Tanoy and Thilanga (who so wonderfully came despite me asking so last-minute - ilallofy for that by the way) and we had to do very mundane jobs. I was equipped with an 'India Se' T-shirt and a cool access card to constantly open this door for the guests to use the lift and my brother took them up and down in the lift (His job, I have to admit, was worse, most obviously) and Raunak just directed the guests to me and Thilanga and Tanoy were together in the carpark directing people to the 1st floor. Haha but yeah, they get paid for it and it was sorta fun so I doubt they much cared about the whole mundanity of it. I am now going to get back to work and hopefully get something done!

OH AND A VERY HAPPY 2-YEAR-6-MONTH ANNIVERSARY ADDY BABY! MWA! <3>

xx
Papaya

because oxygen is a drug
21:01

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Monthlies...and stuff

So the torture is on and the school has decided to give the IBY1's their first dose of 'Monthly Tests'. So for starters, I decided to change Economics SL to History SL because of the pathetic-ness of teaching I am facing. The teacher is odd and talks about the most irrelevant stuff and she doesn't like me (possibly this is due to the fact that I am the only girl in the class) and she puts it across in a rather cynical way. So anyway, I don't need Economics in the field I want to pursue later on anyway and history is interesting and easier to score in and it is more suited to me (or I to it, whichever suits). So yeah, I am catching up on everything I missed out in it and then I will have to do Chemistry tomorrow and then Biology and Math over the weekend and I should be settled for the tests. I am going to try and take them as seriously as I possibly can as they are counted for the final IBY1 Grade apparently (either that or they're using some cynical method to scare us) and those are the Grades we send for applications to universities or something. So anyway! Apart from all this, my class is weird but some people are funny. Most people are weird but I guess I'm just in this for the education. I backed out of the President's Star Charity dance auditions because it's apparently a SOLO recital. Do they honestly expect ME to come up with a 3-minute-self-choreographed-dance in ONE day? Na-ah. So yeah. That's outta the question. And I am on a CAS(for the uninitiated, Creativity Action Service hours are like...CIP)-hour claiming spree. Claiming hours from wherever I can. SO YEAH! I decided not to rant about the fashion show disaster that day as I got to claim 6 CAS hours and my friends made me feel better. I love y'all for that okay!

WELL. I have nothing left to say. So. Giveuponmenow. I have 'Kunt' by KoRn stuck in my head. Life is Peachy, indeed it is.

because oxygen is a drug
20:01

Thursday, 14 August 2008

Feeling Girly

Today I am freaking myself out by being so girly. I usually hate shopping (though I love getting things from other people - doesn't happen as often as I'd like it to) but I seem to want to do it more and more now and I have a shopping appt. with Neha tomorrow. And I bought Girlfriend magazine from the airport today and I have this huge urge to watch this movie "Angus, Thongs & Perfect Snogging'' that's being released in Singapore in December but it's already out on the web (Thank Singapore for it's extreme censorship policies that lead to late movie release dates). http://alluc.org. Yeah this is the movie http://www.angusthongsmovie.com/intl/uk/

Yeah. And. Horrible rant about terrible fashion show yesterday and helping skinny boobless tall bitchy models into their outfits and getting attitude from bitchier fashion designers, will come tomorrow.

So, yeah, look forward to that. Or not.

because oxygen is a drug
22:25

Friday, 8 August 2008

Righteously wickedly awesome day

So basically the day was good because I didn't go to school and I'm glad I didn't and I had time with my favourite person in the world and I got to watch 2 movies. One was pretty shitty, though I can't deny I quite enjoyed it. It was ''Yours, Mine and Ours'' and then I watched a movie I'd been dying to watch "Hard Candy" and it was really good. The kind've movie I enjoy. Good acting, not too much of a complicated but rather psychotic and thrilling plot with good dialogue and the best part was Ellen Page and her kick-ass acting. She totally has earned my respect. Well I apparently am torn between whether to go to my cousin's and watch the olympics on HD TV or go to the dinner at Aunty Dolly D the BANGALI'S, with my mother like I promised I would this morning in my state of semi-sleep.

The pondering continues...

Stay tune. Will be back with more bs you didn't need to know.

Love,

MPap

because oxygen is a drug
19:58