Lost? Maybe so. Maybe not. I don't know if I really should continue striving and trying. I've already lost everything worth achieving. I have nothing to look forward to.
I am, however, going to be focussed on my studies. But if these 2 months don't help then I can kiss my UK dreams goodbye. Maybe I should get prepared for the big slap-in-the-face now.
I'm sorry to everyone who I seem to have upset so greatly that all respect you all had of me previously has waned.
Everything that once was is no more and never will be but I guess I'm having problems accepting myself before everything else - *insert dramatic reaction/hand gestures here*
I cannot understand the change in me and I feel like a soul trapped in a body that tells me to do things I don't want to do and to feel things I don't want to feel. I feel more contempt for myself over and above what I could possibly feel for any other individual.
Whatever. I am not crying out for pity or for someone to hold me in their arms, because I know even my parents won't do that to me. I don't care about the advice you have to give me because I think I pretty much say the same stuff to myself and all you do is reiterate (reference to anyone and everyone who repeats what I say I should do).
What are human relationships anyway? People always end up leaving you alone. Nobody is going to love you or be there for you till the end because everyone is out to live for himself or herself and I must learn to fend for myself likewise. Love is a short-lived thing. Marriage is a farce. I immensely like how I can find such release in books and in the characters that I wish I could be or whose lives I wish I was leading instead of this one. I sound ungrateful and unappreciative but there isn't a single person who will disagree with me when I say "The grass is always greener on the other side".
So you may hate me or find me randomly 'Emo' for writing this, whoever reads this, but really, I am just declaring my acceptance of things. No decent filial Indian son is going to marry me anyway and that is another part of the whole acceptance thing that I will learn to live with. Hence I can safely say that being born a hybrid Indian (I will now quote Maya Angelou) {"is an unnecessary insult"}.
OH and TOK is a bitch
Peace,
Maya
Maya